say cheese…

i like it on my cracker
i like it on my plate
i like it in my salad
and, shared with a date

give me cubes o’ plenty
give me chunks piled high
give me slices single-ly
and, i promise not to cry

i like it sprinkled on my pasta
i like it baked into my bread
i like it melted on my peppers
and, when i’m lazing in bed

give me creamy dressings
give me rich fondue
give me spicy sauces
and, i’ll always be true

self-editing…

…apparently harsh, but loving statements work. they were short, concise, cutting…although the letter itself was long. it received a glowing review from 🕵.

the same person who instilled a fear in me that i never had. the fear that what i have to say is weird, awkward, garbled. that what i have to say has meanings understood only by me.

anyway, she loved the god damn letter (my post: excerpts from a letter). i guess the point is that when i remove the things that i love the most, words and details, my points are well-received.

hearing that cutting out what i loved, made people more receptive to reading what i write, kind of crushed my spirit, yet again. i thought about quitting writing and blogging altogether.

i started to dissect things about myself…comparing and valuing strengths and weaknesses. and then, comparing and contrasting that data with samples of my writing.

i was able to ascertain that all of the extraneous details that i add to things tend to be emotions/feelings, evocative of the senses, memories/experiences, numbers, and big vocabulary.

so, to 🕵…those things are meaningless time wasters. i’m sure by now that most readers that have had issue with my verbose, or as my friend calls it “prolific nature,” have quit reading.

so, that leaves me and what i love, words, descriptions, and details…and everyone else who has come to appreciate my writing for what it actually is…me.

i will not allow 🕵 to take away my voice or my joy. this is my blog and i will try new things, work on being more simple and concise, and i will continue to do it my way.

i want to thank each of my readers for their continued support, encouragement, questions, comments, and suggestions. thank you for reading and trying to understand me!

it’s taken me much longer to finish this bit that i’ve been writing, cutting “me” out, leaving “me” in…over and over again. i’m more than a little frustrated. i’m trying to blend an even mix of both.

wish me luck, as i finish, and then self-edit. hopefully, i will be able to utilize both styles and blend them into something that is both me and concise…meaningful without verbosity.

 

 

fear of the unknown…

my fear is very real…

binding and restraining…

drowning and smothering…

it holds me in place…

stuck, unable to move…

a prisoner to a theory…

that the unknown may be…

more or less comfortable…

than the known…

the here and now…

…i googled the phrase, “fear of the unknown” this morning. i was looking to see what images were returned in the search. i’m going to share the first two images that i saw. the two drawings made quite an impression on me. i really identified with the emotions expressed. i thought that they could have been me in one of my fearful states…uncomfortable, worried, distressed, terrified, suffering, agonizing.

 

 

 

there’s something important…

…that i need and want to do. it’s something that i’m struggling with. lately, i’m just not good with words…

…i’m not exactly sure why. i’m strong and i’m healthy. i’m getting plenty of exercise and i’m sleeping better than i had been…

…i’ll say that my therapist is partially responsible for this problem, as i let her read something that i had written…

…she told me that it sounded really weird and disjointed and strange. and, it psyched me out…

…i’m afraid that if that was truly that awful, the next thing might be just as awful or worse…

…i guess that might be why i’ve shied away from posting lately. i wrote a post earlier about how i feel…like i’m seven again…

…but, i’m working on being more concise. i’m hoping that my words and vocabulary will come back. i’ve got work to do…

11:56 pm and 88°…

…wondering…

…thinking out loud to myself…

…what the fuck…

…what the fuck is the point…

…who cares…

…who the fuck cares…

…and the answer…

…i realize…

…resoundingly and overwhelmingly…

…is no one…

…no one gives a good god damn…

…because it’s too fucking hot…

…and, it’s too fucking late…

…to give a shit…

…one way or the other…

9:25 pm and 97°…

…desk fan buzzing…

…hair a mess…

…”the office” playing…

…blowing off stress…

…dog quietly snoring…

…right on robe…

…floor lamp flickering…

…mistaken for strobe…

…car alarm sounding…

…loud and shrill…

…stray cat crying…

…outside window sill…