vsw part four…

…so, i’ve been working on focus and becoming very focused on my goal of getting a home on the beach in washington state…my home. i’m focused on making the money that i need and clearing up loose ends here. focus will always be an ongoing struggle and visualization for me.

i’ve begun visualizing something else lately, as well. i’ve been visualizing physical fitness. yes, i’ve lost an enormous amount of weight, but i’ve still got half more to go to reach my goal weight. i’m a work in progress. ha-ha…if i ever make it off of “restriction,” whomever is just going to have to understand that i’m fluid, right now a “shape shifter.”

it’s been nice for me to have j**s to talk to about these things. she’s never been heavy or overweight, but she’s a nurse and deals with all kinds of shapes, sizes and body types. she’s seen all kinds of things and has been very helpful, giving me insightful hints and ideas for maximizing my workouts specifically for each problematic part of my body.

i’m an honest person. for the most part, i tell it like it is. however, i’ve never sat down with anyone before and honestly talked about weight, cellulite, stretch marks, extra skin, etc. j**s did an exercise with me. she had me close my eyes and visualize each part of my body that was problematic and i wanted to change.

i began with my double chin, although way smaller, it’s still there. i pictured it in my mind’s eye. i held the image for quite a while, looking at it from all angles. then with my eyes still closed, she had me visualize how i wanted my chin to look when i’ve attained my physical fitness goals. it was pretty similar to now, except for a little less fatty deposit.

we went through every part of my body. i visualized how it was now and how i wanted it to look when i had attained my physical fitness goal. mind you, this was not in person, but had the same effect. it was incredibly powerful to let go of the body shame, to deal honestly with my own imperfections, and incredibly motivating to see all that i will be.

that night, i was pleasantly surprised when i received a text message that just said, “bike?” i knew what that meant and i headed to the gym. we were riding our exercise bikes together. i can’t text and exercise, but received encouraging messages every so often. it was really fun to have someone to work with and encourage me.

next text, “hydrate!” followed by, “easy core workout for you.” so, when all was said and done, we had done 60 minutes of cardio and i did an easy core circuit workout, because i don’t know any test results yet and don’t want to push myself too hard. afterwards, it was really nice to hear that i was doing a great job and would achieve my goals.

it’s nice to have a person who is strictly a friend want to see me succeed and want to help to push me to be my absolute best. which is incredibly ironic, because i have another friend, the original motivator and inspiration for my healthy change. and that friend, she’s the one who changed my life for the best.

she’s the sage woman that encouraged me to begin visualizing all of my wants, dreams, desires, goals…say them out loud…and then, write about them. this has been really enlightening and helpful advice. i feel like it has already helped me to focus and it is helping me to attain my physical fitness goals.

i do three things before i finally go to sleep at night. i reflect on what i’m grateful for, sometimes i write about it and sometimes i don’t, but i always do it. i do a meditation. once in bed, i visualize those things that i want, dream of, desire, my goals…and as they pop into mind and i focus on them…i say them out loud.

i will have what i want. and, i’ve got this…

 

vsw part three…

…as i’ve discussed, i’ve been making being focused my focus. i’ve been paying attention to each day as it arrives. i’ve been greeting them earlier and working before anyone else is up, as well as, after everyone has gone to bed.

those are my times for me to be focused on making the money that i need to make, in order to get the fuck out of this god forsaken desert. i’ve been working on making a new website/web store and i’ve been exhausting every other monetary possibility.

i’ve always been very industrious and very confident in my capabilities. i got waylaid by being unhealthy and over medicated for about a decade, but i’m back and i’m ready and focused on earning, as quickly and efficiently as i possibly can. i need to get out of the desert.

i’m focused on home. home and making the money that i need to get home. i guess that you could say that i’m in a focused frenzy. i use the word frenzy because home or going home consumes my every waking thought.

so, with focus, that frenzy is directed into finding things to do for money, without it causing me to lose my medical benefits, because i cannot lose my benefits. i couldn’t survive without them. my ms injections alone run  $5000/month.

i’ve found three pretty decent options for making extra money. i posted about them earlier, but will touch on them quickly. one is grocery shopping and delivery with grocerychimps. one is investigating, photographing, and reporting for wegolook . and, the last one is picking-up and delivering goods and pets for citizenshipper . i’ve signed up with all three.

today, i was focused on scouring the citizenshipper website and what i found excited and amazed me. basically, i can use my car and time to travel to and from any area of the country that i want to. for example, i can take a dog from vegas to san diego. then in san diego, pick-up three dogs. one dog going back to vegas. one dog going to san antonio. and, one dog going to nashville. once dropping off my last dog, i could pick-up a dog going back to vegas.

the beauty of this is that there are just as many dogs, cats, turtles, bunnies, etc…riding between vegas and all over the pacific northwest. i could technically just go back and forth between here and home until i had enough for my downpayment. i could even re-establish my residency by getting an apartment and re-enroll in the place where i received the best healthcare.

i’m finally feeling focused and i’m ready to begin writing and sharing about what i’ve been visualizing over the past few days and saying out loud.

august 14, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…waking up at my new normal time 0400. getting a really good walk in with buggs. making sure that i got sixty minutes of cardio in, since i still haven’t been cleared to go back to my circuit workouts yet…

…three cups of black coffee enjoyed at my desk while i worked on finishing something important. i was nice and made sure to leave r*****d a cup, even though he didn’t even get up until after 1630…

…having such a nice new desktop to work on, while listening to music with my headphones, and sitting in my “new to me” chair that j***y passed on to me. it is so much more comfortable under my ass than the hard wood, kitchen table chair that i used to sit on. it hurt my bum and made both legs go completely numb, so this whole new set-up is awesome…

…finally pulling all of the pieces that i’ve been writing, deleting, and starting to write all over again…together in one place to make something that hopefully made sense, didn’t overwhelm, and wasn’t weird…but, while i’m glad that i’ve finished finally…i know that i probably could have made it more concise…

…peace and quiet, since r*****d slept for most of the day. it is always so nice for me to be able to hear myself think…to not have fox news blaring, or the phrase, “and death,” bellowed over and over again…

…my fantasy football drafts, to keep my mind off of heavier things. i have five teams and i am entirely ready to dominate my leagues…and yes, i am an absolute nerd…

…the silly text messages that just made me laugh…

my mind is quiet. my body is healing my heart is full.

namaste.

august 11, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…being up at 0400 and working on finishing up that important thing that has been set aside, because of fear or frustration or both. i sat quietly and searched my soul for the specific message i wanted to relate and the best way to accomplish that. i spent a lot of time visualizing what the finished product looked like. i visualized myself being pleased with the end result and sending it. i visualized the reception and response. i spoke these things outloud and now i’m writing about them…but, in vague terms…

…being finally able to take buggs to the barkpark again after his two week quarantine for kennel cough, while he was treated with his antibiotics. we arrived at 0530 and i have never ever seen as many dogs as i saw today in the small dog area. i kid you not, there was easily seventy-five small dogs. it was crazy…pure small dog insanity. it was nice out, still cool and shady. we spent a total of two hours there. buggs played and i walked laps around the park…three miles in total…

…i had three cups of coffee when we got back and took it back to my room, where i worked on my important thing until about 1330, at which point in time, my babysitting duties began…

…i had some time today to work on some of my new photos and post to instagram…

…j**s and i talked for awhile today about my program and waiting to hear back from doctor, before pushing ahead with more strenuous workouts. i’m still doing sixty minutes of cardio everyday, just haven’t been able to do circuit workouts each night, until my doctor gives his blessing…

…a delicious dinner…

i am deserving of good treatment. i am worthy of love. i will have what i want.

namaste.

august 9, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…waking up at 0400. walking with buggs, watching the sunrise and photographing it…

…getting to enjoy two cups of black coffee before getting ready for my appointment…

…the nicest, coldest shower that i think that i’ve had this hot sweaty summer. i felt so much better afterwards, like a new person ready for my day…

…clean clothes that felt and smelt really good. i was glad to have something super comfortable to wear for my test. so comfortable in fact, that i may have worn said outfit as a “sleep costume” before…

…r*****d being kind enough to get up and take me to my test, as i needed a driver to drive me home after the test. i was really surprised and really thankful…

…r*****d treating me to a cold drink when i was finished…

…w***y making both r*****d sandwiches upon our arrival back to the apartment…

…w***y and j***y watching buggs while i was having my test…

…really super nice nurses…c****l and l**a…they were funny and kept me entertained. l**a installed my iv quickly and painlessly…

…some clarity and focus…

…for really good advice for reaching my goals and attaining my dreams. i’m grateful for my friend and her kindness. she has a beautiful, strong, and wise spirit…

…losing five more pounds…

i am becoming focused. i am appreciating my achievements. i will have what i want.

namaste.

 

vsw day two…

…i am still working on focus…practice makes perfect, right? i think that it’s a good thing to spend a little extra time on a skill that is only going to help me and get me where i’m going to faster.

so, i’ve been visualizing my two previous examples of focus. i find them to be incredibly helpful. i can feel myself gaining insight into what focus means to me and why i seem to be unable to focus.

well, to me, focus means giving something or someone my absolute attention. when i am focused on something or someone important, i shouldn’t have crap floating through my mind like: wondering how much gas i have in my car…where i can find a phillips head screwdriver to put my new license plates on with…or, what circuit workout i should do that night.

i shouldn’t let myself get so sidetracked by these things. it’s not good for me, my work, or people who are important to me. when i allow these things to distract me, i set myself up for failure, because distracted…i’m there…but, i’m never completely all there and certainly not my best.

i seem to be unable to focus for many reasons…i’m: unsettled, restless, torn, ambivalent, uncomfortable, not feeling my best, confused, and just plain scattered. i have my head in the clouds…i’m thinking about different people, wondering what they’re up to…i’m trying to workout faster and harder, and i’m trying to think of ways to get home faster…but, i haven’t been focused enough to pull it altogether.

so, i’m going to continue to visualize focus. i want to be able to give my work, my goals, my wants, my needs, and my people the focus and attention that they all deserve. i want to be able to tie it altogether, achieve, and get there tomorrow.

i know that the reality of the situation is what my friend told me. she told me that plans bend and sway and change, but to use that time to appreciate my accomplishments of the past two years. i’m taking her advice. i’m regrouping. i’m getting focused.

and once i am…watch out. i will visualize. i will say things out loud. i will write about them. and, i will get what i want.

oprah winfrey and deepak chopra’s 21-day meditation experience: desire and destiny (day twenty-two)…

day twenty-two – abundant world

centering thought: love and abundance for all.

sanskrit mantra: yum, yum, yum.

translation: my heart chakra is open -activating peace, harmony, and love.

message of the day: “world peace must develop from inner peace. peace is not just mere absence of violence. peace is, i think, the manifestation of human compassion.” – his holiness the 14th dalai lama

your day twenty-two meditation can be found here