september 14, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…sleep, when and how it comes. any rest for this exhausted, run down body is a good thing. i’ll take it however i can get it…

…the plumber coming out to fix p**l’s sink. it was beginning to get stinky. he has been without a functioning kitchen sink for about two weeks now and has been eating off of paper plates, using plastic utensils, and drinking out of the paper cups that i took from my hotel stays…

…having enough energy to: do the dishes that had been putrefying in the sink full of swamp water, take the trash out, and straighten up after p**l’s little girls were here…

…being physically able to take buggs out and go for a walk…

…a nice and welcome change in the weather. cooler temperatures 50° – 60° and some grey clouds and precipitation…

…for getting to talk to a wonderful advice/triage nurse. she advised me on exactly how to proceed…

…p**l’s friendly face and human companionship that i can talk to and relate with. i appreciate his hospitality and willingness to share. plus, he understands what it’s like to be: a black sheep, left behind, disowned, the butt of jokes, incredibly sensitive to others, and full of emotion…

…buggs, my sweet boy and co-pilot…

i am capable of whatever, i set my mind to doing. i am a very good listener. i am worthy of love.

namaste.

 

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august 14, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…waking up at my new normal time 0400. getting a really good walk in with buggs. making sure that i got sixty minutes of cardio in, since i still haven’t been cleared to go back to my circuit workouts yet…

…three cups of black coffee enjoyed at my desk while i worked on finishing something important. i was nice and made sure to leave r*****d a cup, even though he didn’t even get up until after 1630…

…having such a nice new desktop to work on, while listening to music with my headphones, and sitting in my “new to me” chair that j***y passed on to me. it is so much more comfortable under my ass than the hard wood, kitchen table chair that i used to sit on. it hurt my bum and made both legs go completely numb, so this whole new set-up is awesome…

…finally pulling all of the pieces that i’ve been writing, deleting, and starting to write all over again…together in one place to make something that hopefully made sense, didn’t overwhelm, and wasn’t weird…but, while i’m glad that i’ve finished finally…i know that i probably could have made it more concise…

…peace and quiet, since r*****d slept for most of the day. it is always so nice for me to be able to hear myself think…to not have fox news blaring, or the phrase, “and death,” bellowed over and over again…

…my fantasy football drafts, to keep my mind off of heavier things. i have five teams and i am entirely ready to dominate my leagues…and yes, i am an absolute nerd…

…the silly text messages that just made me laugh…

my mind is quiet. my body is healing my heart is full.

namaste.

august 9, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…waking up at 0400. walking with buggs, watching the sunrise and photographing it…

…getting to enjoy two cups of black coffee before getting ready for my appointment…

…the nicest, coldest shower that i think that i’ve had this hot sweaty summer. i felt so much better afterwards, like a new person ready for my day…

…clean clothes that felt and smelt really good. i was glad to have something super comfortable to wear for my test. so comfortable in fact, that i may have worn said outfit as a “sleep costume” before…

…r*****d being kind enough to get up and take me to my test, as i needed a driver to drive me home after the test. i was really surprised and really thankful…

…r*****d treating me to a cold drink when i was finished…

…w***y making both r*****d sandwiches upon our arrival back to the apartment…

…w***y and j***y watching buggs while i was having my test…

…really super nice nurses…c****l and l**a…they were funny and kept me entertained. l**a installed my iv quickly and painlessly…

…some clarity and focus…

…for really good advice for reaching my goals and attaining my dreams. i’m grateful for my friend and her kindness. she has a beautiful, strong, and wise spirit…

…losing five more pounds…

i am becoming focused. i am appreciating my achievements. i will have what i want.

namaste.

 

oprah winfrey and deepak chopra’s 21-day meditation: desire and destiny (days nineteen and twenty)…

day nineteen – blissful me

centering thought: joy is my highest purpose.

sanskrit mantra: sat chit ananda.

translation: existence, consciousness, bliss.

message of the day: “joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.” – mother teresa

your day nineteen meditation can be found here

day twenty – visionary me

centering thought: the world is waiting for my vision.

sanskrit mantra: aham brahmasmi

translation: i am the universe.

message of the day: “alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.” – helen keller

your day twenty meditation can be found here

 

 

 

august 1, 2017…

…today, i am grateful for…

…waking up at between 0400 and 0500. i was able to get some writing done and i took buggs for a really nice long walk. we sat together on the patio, listened to the birds sing, and i enjoyed two cups of coffee, as we watched the brilliant orange sun overtake a fuchsia sky…

…i shared some interesting text conversations, with j**s, regarding some new recipes for protein and filling fiber. she also sent me some new core workouts…

…i cooled myself down with a really, nice, cold shower. it woke me up and refreshed me. it felt good to let the desert dirt glide right off and go down the drain….

…a quick and uneventful commute to therapy…

…another interesting therapy session. i am grateful for the message that the universe seems to be sending me. i need to accept said message, find a new therapist, and move on…

…the fact that i can rest easily knowing that all of my bills are paid…car registration, car payment, insurance, and other expenses…

…being strong and healthy and able to be independent and free. the concept of freedom, being able to come and go as i please…has filled me with a lot of hope and the wherewithal to accomplish all of my goals…

…getting lots of walking and cardio in today, as i spent the day erranding and going in and out of stores…

…the ninety-nine cent store was so busy and hot today. the check out lines were very long. i was so exhausted and sweating profusely. instead of focusing on how miserable i was, i noticed a little boy in line ahead of me. he may have been around five. he sat there in that cart, so patiently and quietly. he was pretty precious, as he sat before me eating his bbq flavored pringles. i was staring at him, waiting to see if he would notice. we made eye contact. he shied away and hid his face, only to look back at me. i smiled at him and he smiled back. we amused each other for about a half an hour. we made faces at each other and laughed. we sang songs quietly. and, he discussed in detail, why he should not get a popsicle or ice cream sandwich out of the case and ask his mother to buy it. he explained that once it comes out of the case, it begins melting, and that by the time he got to the car…it would be sticky liquid. he was a very smart and funny little boy. i gave him a high five and told him that he made my day, when he left. and quite honestly, he did make my day…

i am independent. i am free. i am confident.

namaste.

july 28, 2017…

…today, i am grateful for…

…a decent night of sleep. i only woke up once at 0400. then, i went back to sleep. i watched house of cards last night and i didn’t even dream about it…progress!…

…an early morning walk with, buggs. it was really hot and humid, but we did it…

…two cups of coffee, enjoyed on the patio with buggs…

…such a nice, quiet morning, noon, and afternoon…without r*****d. j***y and i thought that he was sleeping, but he came walking in the door around 1600. it was really nice while it lasted…

…quiet time to use wisely this morning. i was able to fill my pill box. i was able to get more prescriptions refilled. i made a doctor’s appointment with my primary care physician. i put bids in for jobs making powerpoint presentations, naming products, and designing instagram pages on upwork for freelancers. i began writing a piece for tomorrow’s blog. i’ve nearly got the thing that i’ve been writing where i want it. i did all of my chores, cardio, and will workout tonight…

…my meditation this morning, that set the tone for the whole day…

today, my spirit is quiet. today, my mind was busy and satisfied. today, my heart is ready to love and be loved. (even though it is still on “relationship restriction.” i believe that what i really mean, is that each day…i love myself a little more…i think that maybe i finally believe that i am worthy enough to accept my own love…progress!)

namaste.