this time of year…

…was difficult for me last year. i broke up with with a cheater last february, after having enjoyed a wonderful “imaginary” valentine’s day text and photo “date” with a very special person the previous year.

as i have said several times, that person made me see and feel things differently than i ever have. that person brought me back to a time of innocence…a time of handmade, paper valentine’s placed into decorated boxes in a classroom.

i was presented with the image of an imaginary valentine’s day card. it asked if i would be that person’s valentine and on it were three boxes next to three short words/phrases; yes, no, maybe so. i was instructed to choose one.

of course, i chose yes! there was really nothing in the world that i wanted more, than to be that person’s valentine. it was a magical day for me, filled with electronic images of puffy unicorn and heart stickers with lots of glitter.

this year, i have embraced that notion of innocence and sweetness, once again. i have found myself collecting bits of this and scraps of that to create the perfect, handmade, paper valentine for someone special, who chose to be…

…my valentine this year. my valentine has been present in my life in a big way everyday for nearly ten months now. that’s right, it’s j**s. j**s and buggs and i have traveled all over the country together and have had many adventures.

we share each other’s secrets and goals and dreams. we support and encourage one another. we make each other laugh and we bounce ideas off of one another. and no, we have never physically met, but look forward to doing so someday.

life is so fucking funny! since being in oklahoma, i have made several brand new friends, whom i am getting to know better each day. i have to say that they are all very kind and accepting and funny and unique. they make me smile!

we get together in the evenings and do things like play cards (especially phase ten), work on puzzles, have potlucks, go out for fried onion burgers at shorty’s, or work on crafts. we are going to be having a valentine’s day party.

and, guess what…we are all making specially decorated boxes to receive valentines in and some of us are making handmade, paper valentines. i am enjoying this! this is great fun! my life has once again come about full circle.

valentine’s day this year will be sweet, with no bitter whatsoever. i have a special valentine who is worthy of my “heart.” i have new friends who share my love of games and puzzles and crafts. and, i have my love bugg(s).

i wish everyone a very happy valentine’s day!!

 

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happy birthday my friend…

…happy birthday w***y…

…happy birthday to you…

…hope you had the day off…

…and something fun to do…

…maybe you’ll go exploring…

…maybe you’ll laze about…

…maybe you’ll see a movie…

…maybe you’ll just eat out…

…perhaps you’ll just go gambling…

…it’s what you like to do…

…perhaps you’ll even win big…

…with the luck your mom left you…

…well, whatever you do…

…and wherever you go…

…know that we love you…

…and we’re sad you know…

…because we’re not with you…

…because we’re not there…

…to sing happy birthday…

…and show you we care…

our second journey, part eleven…gig harbor, wa to bremerton, wa…

so, there buggs and i were…surrounded by the beauty of the harbor and the forests. i walked around and took photos.

i felt weird physically. i was having a shooting pain going down my lower spine and it hurt to walk.

i also felt weird psychically…like something was lost or gone and like things were beginning to shift.

i got into the car with buggs, sat down, and smelled the sea air…i was home and it was beautiful. i missed it so.

then, i just felt overwhelming sadness and a sense of loss. the tears came down my cheeks and i sat there sobbing.

when i was finally able to pull it halfway together…which was hard because i was sleep starved.

i made an online reservation at a hotel in bremerton and pointed the car in that general direction.

we drove by the naval yards and saw the big ships and aircraft carriers. we were listening to j**s’s playlist.

by the time we got to the hotel, i could barely walk and i was beginning to slur my words and not make any sense.

i stumbled into the lobby to get the key and nearly dropped to the floor from the excruciating pain that i felt.

i got buggs and i situated and i began writing about everything that i was feeling and thinking.

even though my body had no sleep, my mind was awake and writing and creating. i was wired and focused.

i put my hand in my pocket and pulled out the carefully folded hearts. i took photos and wrote about them.

i stayed up all night and went to asleep finally at about 0300. 0900 came around and i had to crawl to the bathroom.

i couldn’t walk and standing wasn’t much better, i took a hot bath in hopes that it would make things better. it did.

we decided that we weren’t ready to leave home yet and ended up recuperating there for a few days.

more tomorrow…

our second journey, part eight gig harbor… 

my friend and i perused the menus at net shed no. 9. ironically enough, we both said, “i’ll either get the pastrami panini or the ricotta pancakes.” so, i suggested that we each get one and then split and share the rest…that’s what we did. 

my friend and i spent time talking and sharing. all the while, i was taking my surroundings in. my senses reveled in sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches. i couldn’t have imagined a more spectacular place to have been invited to. it screamed, “magic!!”…just like java moon had in sheridan, wy. 

my friend put a lot of thought and effort into asking me to brunch. all of my little ridiculous “signs” we’re there…bob and bud my crows…the revivalist’s, “wish i knew you when i was young”…and the presence of my number, the perfect number 9 (because 9 is three 3’s and the square root of 9 is 3).

our server came back and served us our food. it was as delicious, as it was beautiful. my friend began working on a pancake and i began nibbling on a half of pastrami panini. buggs still seated in the chair next to me, gave me a pleading, sad look. 

instead of ignoring him or just saying no, i stabbed a piece of pastrami with my fork and fed it to him. at the time, i never even stopped to think about exactly how that would look to other people…a dog seated at the table in his own chair, being fed pastrami from his owners fork. 

like i said before, i was physically exhausted and sleep “starved.” when i get to the point of being sleep starved, i’m just not “myself” anymore and all kinds of digression becomes possible. it can be goofy and ridiculous like brunch, or it can be frightening and dangerous like losing a cell phone amongst the sand dunes. 

but, brunch was nice. we got to the point where we exchanged the other half of our meal with each other. my friend finished her meal first, which was no surprise because i’m a painfully slow eater. i could feel myself becoming uncomfortable. i wanted to finish my meal, but felt bad about doing so, as i had already usurped two hours of my friends time, by being late. 

***stopping here today, because it makes me uncomfortable to think about it.***

…more tomorrow… 

our second journey, part seven…gig harbor… 

***i’m going to let everyone know now. i’m feeling pretty yucky and i just might not make it all the way through this today.***

so, here buggs and i were in a beautiful, magical surrounding…washington my home. i was two hours late for my friend. i was “sleep starved” and starting to get overly tired/exhausted/loopy, as well as, experience weird shootings pains in my lower back and legs.

i had just hugged my friend and we began to walk away from my car toward the restaurant. at that point, my twelve pound dynamo, buggs, started barking and wouldn’t stop. it was fall, but really nice outside and it wasn’t too hot to leave him in the car. he had access to food and water, but wouldn’t stop. 

we were going to sit outside on the patio overlooking the harbor. there were other dogs sitting outside, lying on the ground next to the table, so, my friend suggested that we bring buggs along to brunch. i went back to the car and got him. the hostess showed us to our table and brought us coffee. i was holding onto buggs still, but leaned over to put him on the ground. 

as i tried to put my twelve pound charge down, i knocked over my coffee, which in turn spilled into my lap. my jumping up quickly to deal with the hot liquid scared buggs and he was back in my arms again. without thinking about it, i set him down in the empty chair next to me, so that i could look at my menu. he stayed sitting there in that chair, until i was ready to go. 

***sorry, i’ve got to lie down for a bit…more tomorrow…***

our second journey, part five…fife to gig harbor… 

once my co-pilot, buggs and i, finally crawled into bed at our motel 6, in fife…i realized that i still needed to check my email and set my wake-up alarm. 

my friend, whom i was having brunch with the next day, had sent me a confirmation email and asked if eleven am would be okay. i answered, “yes.”

at that point, it was 0330 and i really should have been more realistic about time, my exhaustion level, and common courtesy. 

this friend was very important to me. she invited me to brunch after not having seen me in over a year. i was looking forward to seeing her and catching up. 

however, i couldn’t sleep and my whole body felt like it was vibrating, as if i was still driving the car. i was tired and frustrated and decided to write to j**s.

after crafting a somewhat mysterious, ambiguous, and vague email. i set my alarm for 0800, which i thought would give me plenty of time to get ready, be on time. 

before falling asleep, i felt something coming on. my whole body hurt, my feet were throbbing, and i felt incredibly dizzy and nauseous. i crashed hard. 

i awoke at 0800 and took buggs outside. i had my clothes out and toiletries ready. I then packed everything else up and loaded the car up. 

i kept feeling a weird pinch in my lower back and an electrical type pain radiating down my legs. i pushed forward, as quickly as i could…showering and dressing. 

i looked and looked for both my pill box and my deodorant. i found neither. i was panicked as i looked at the clock…time was getting away from me. 

i finally figured out, that i had forgotten both my meds and my deodorant. i sent my friend an email letting her know that i was running late. 

i threw the rest of my stuff into the car and drove to get gas and ran inside the store to buy deodorant. i got back into the car and put deodorant on. 

i then sent my friend a link to track my driving progress and eta in real-time. i said, “okay google, take me to net shed no. 9.” i got onto the freeway and sped away. 

however, i then received a text that said that i was headed in the wrong direction. i was so fucking mad at google and at myself for being an unrealistic moron. 

i could actually hear r*****d’s words in my mind…”you stupid, fucking moron!!” and in this case, he would have been absolutely, fucking right. 

more tomorrow…this one hurts…it’s still a sore subject with me…because i fucked it all up… 

photos of our second journey, set four…vancouver, wa to fife, wa to gig harbor, wa…