september 14, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…sleep, when and how it comes. any rest for this exhausted, run down body is a good thing. i’ll take it however i can get it…

…the plumber coming out to fix p**l’s sink. it was beginning to get stinky. he has been without a functioning kitchen sink for about two weeks now and has been eating off of paper plates, using plastic utensils, and drinking out of the paper cups that i took from my hotel stays…

…having enough energy to: do the dishes that had been putrefying in the sink full of swamp water, take the trash out, and straighten up after p**l’s little girls were here…

…being physically able to take buggs out and go for a walk…

…a nice and welcome change in the weather. cooler temperatures 50° – 60° and some grey clouds and precipitation…

…for getting to talk to a wonderful advice/triage nurse. she advised me on exactly how to proceed…

…p**l’s friendly face and human companionship that i can talk to and relate with. i appreciate his hospitality and willingness to share. plus, he understands what it’s like to be: a black sheep, left behind, disowned, the butt of jokes, incredibly sensitive to others, and full of emotion…

…buggs, my sweet boy and co-pilot…

i am capable of whatever, i set my mind to doing. i am a very good listener. i am worthy of love.

namaste.

 

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september 2, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…waking up this morning and knowing where i was. for not waking up every two hours and thinking that i had forgotten to pick-up or deliver someone’s pet. for being able to see buggs asleep at my feet everytime i did wake up…

…a long walk with buggs this morning before things got really hot…

…a nice email from my friend. it was really good to hear from her and her words made me feel good about my writing again…

…being back in the apartment with buggs, safe and sound. i’m thankful that we had a safe trip and were able to deliver all of our charges, without incident…

…my journey…another learning experience is now behind me and i look forward to the next one…

…my improved health and strength that allowed me to drive by myself with my dog, another dog, and five cats…

…an opportunity for me to form a deeper bond with buggs…

…a car that gets good gas mileage and is very reliable…

…a busy morning running errands…

…a delicious meal prepared by the girls…

…workouts with j**s again via text, after being gone for several days, and being so exhausted and rundown…

…my next trip…south lake tahoe to south hill, wa…

i am capable. i am confident. i am worthy.

namaste.

august 14, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…waking up at my new normal time 0400. getting a really good walk in with buggs. making sure that i got sixty minutes of cardio in, since i still haven’t been cleared to go back to my circuit workouts yet…

…three cups of black coffee enjoyed at my desk while i worked on finishing something important. i was nice and made sure to leave r*****d a cup, even though he didn’t even get up until after 1630…

…having such a nice new desktop to work on, while listening to music with my headphones, and sitting in my “new to me” chair that j***y passed on to me. it is so much more comfortable under my ass than the hard wood, kitchen table chair that i used to sit on. it hurt my bum and made both legs go completely numb, so this whole new set-up is awesome…

…finally pulling all of the pieces that i’ve been writing, deleting, and starting to write all over again…together in one place to make something that hopefully made sense, didn’t overwhelm, and wasn’t weird…but, while i’m glad that i’ve finished finally…i know that i probably could have made it more concise…

…peace and quiet, since r*****d slept for most of the day. it is always so nice for me to be able to hear myself think…to not have fox news blaring, or the phrase, “and death,” bellowed over and over again…

…my fantasy football drafts, to keep my mind off of heavier things. i have five teams and i am entirely ready to dominate my leagues…and yes, i am an absolute nerd…

…the silly text messages that just made me laugh…

my mind is quiet. my body is healing my heart is full.

namaste.

august 11, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…being up at 0400 and working on finishing up that important thing that has been set aside, because of fear or frustration or both. i sat quietly and searched my soul for the specific message i wanted to relate and the best way to accomplish that. i spent a lot of time visualizing what the finished product looked like. i visualized myself being pleased with the end result and sending it. i visualized the reception and response. i spoke these things outloud and now i’m writing about them…but, in vague terms…

…being finally able to take buggs to the barkpark again after his two week quarantine for kennel cough, while he was treated with his antibiotics. we arrived at 0530 and i have never ever seen as many dogs as i saw today in the small dog area. i kid you not, there was easily seventy-five small dogs. it was crazy…pure small dog insanity. it was nice out, still cool and shady. we spent a total of two hours there. buggs played and i walked laps around the park…three miles in total…

…i had three cups of coffee when we got back and took it back to my room, where i worked on my important thing until about 1330, at which point in time, my babysitting duties began…

…i had some time today to work on some of my new photos and post to instagram…

…j**s and i talked for awhile today about my program and waiting to hear back from doctor, before pushing ahead with more strenuous workouts. i’m still doing sixty minutes of cardio everyday, just haven’t been able to do circuit workouts each night, until my doctor gives his blessing…

…a delicious dinner…

i am deserving of good treatment. i am worthy of love. i will have what i want.

namaste.

august 9, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…waking up at 0400. walking with buggs, watching the sunrise and photographing it…

…getting to enjoy two cups of black coffee before getting ready for my appointment…

…the nicest, coldest shower that i think that i’ve had this hot sweaty summer. i felt so much better afterwards, like a new person ready for my day…

…clean clothes that felt and smelt really good. i was glad to have something super comfortable to wear for my test. so comfortable in fact, that i may have worn said outfit as a “sleep costume” before…

…r*****d being kind enough to get up and take me to my test, as i needed a driver to drive me home after the test. i was really surprised and really thankful…

…r*****d treating me to a cold drink when i was finished…

…w***y making both r*****d sandwiches upon our arrival back to the apartment…

…w***y and j***y watching buggs while i was having my test…

…really super nice nurses…c****l and l**a…they were funny and kept me entertained. l**a installed my iv quickly and painlessly…

…some clarity and focus…

…for really good advice for reaching my goals and attaining my dreams. i’m grateful for my friend and her kindness. she has a beautiful, strong, and wise spirit…

…losing five more pounds…

i am becoming focused. i am appreciating my achievements. i will have what i want.

namaste.

 

july 28, 2017…

…today, i am grateful for…

…a decent night of sleep. i only woke up once at 0400. then, i went back to sleep. i watched house of cards last night and i didn’t even dream about it…progress!…

…an early morning walk with, buggs. it was really hot and humid, but we did it…

…two cups of coffee, enjoyed on the patio with buggs…

…such a nice, quiet morning, noon, and afternoon…without r*****d. j***y and i thought that he was sleeping, but he came walking in the door around 1600. it was really nice while it lasted…

…quiet time to use wisely this morning. i was able to fill my pill box. i was able to get more prescriptions refilled. i made a doctor’s appointment with my primary care physician. i put bids in for jobs making powerpoint presentations, naming products, and designing instagram pages on upwork for freelancers. i began writing a piece for tomorrow’s blog. i’ve nearly got the thing that i’ve been writing where i want it. i did all of my chores, cardio, and will workout tonight…

…my meditation this morning, that set the tone for the whole day…

today, my spirit is quiet. today, my mind was busy and satisfied. today, my heart is ready to love and be loved. (even though it is still on “relationship restriction.” i believe that what i really mean, is that each day…i love myself a little more…i think that maybe i finally believe that i am worthy enough to accept my own love…progress!)

namaste.

july 23 – 24, 2017…

during these days, i have been grateful for…

…a quiet, birthday spent with the girls and r*****d. the girls went to great pains to provide me with a birthday meal fit for a queen. w***y picked out ribs and j***y woke up early and rubbed them down. and then, began prepping them. they cooked all long four or five hours and filled the apartment with delicious and tantalizing scents. j***y plated my food first and bestowed a beautiful and aroma filled plate upon my place setting. the meat fell right off of the bone and was delicious. they were paired with potato salad and applewood smoked, bacon, baked beans. all were absolutely delightful. r*****d had w***y buy a reese’s peanut butter, ice cream cake. they put a tealight candle in the middle of it, sang happy birthday, while j***y videotaped the whole affair, i made a wish, blew out my candle, and will apparently be getting my wish…

…all of the birthday greetings and well-wishes from my friends and family. a lot of which, i have had for thirty plus years. those made my day very special…

…a surprise birthday greeting from my friend, that was very much appreciated and very much unexpected, made my day feel more important…

…a day off of workouts from, j**s. and, a fun “pretend” trip to the magic kingdom, where we “rode” space mountain and ate churros. she “bought” me glow in the dark, mickey ears,  and “made” me “wear” them in the park that night. before the trip, i was “treated” to a “whirl-wind shopping spree,” in which i am “pointed” in the right direction…nerdy, vintage star wars t-shirt, new charcoal cargo shorts that fit and don’t fall off, and snazzy new vans. i “picked out” a purple, swatch watch with a french bulldog, on the face to round out my outfit. the whole “shopping spree” was the result of me “threatening” to wear 1970’s short, dolphin’s shorts…a vintage, golden rod colored, chargers t-shirt…1970’s knee socks with three stripes around the top…1970’s wallabee’s shoes…and, a 1970’s crocheted, pabst blue ribbon, beer can hat. so, other than our “imaginary trip,” i went nowhere and did nothing…

…today, buggs and i went to the dogpark and the splashpad. i walked laps around the park, while he peed everywhere, and ran around. it was hot and muggy…both mama and boy went through the sprinklers…

…my car that is my freedom. i love them both, the car and the freedom…

…a second birthday card and present from my dad. the thought and deed were much appreciated…

i am aging gracefully. i am accepting what is, in this moment. i am coming home, soon.

namaste.