biding and bidding…

…to bide: to dwell; abide; wait; remain.

…to bid: attempt to attain some goal or purpose.

i am doing both at the moment. i have placed six different bids and i am now biding my time as i wait for answers.

what am i bidding on? i’m bidding on the opportunity to pick-up, transport, and deliver someone’s pet or pets, across town or across the country.

i’m bidding on “shipments” going to san diego, eugene, vancouver, el paso, nashville, and las vegas.

all single dogs, except for one…that one is three cats and a dog. i’d rather just stick to dogs, but i’ll take whatever pets i’m fortunate enough to “win.”

well, i should know something tomorrow on at least one of them. the one going from laughlin to vancouver.


…when i got off of my greyhound bus last may (2016), i still possessed a lot of innocence, sweetness, and romantic notions about life, love, and relationships. i believed that there was someone for everyone and that everyone had a soulmate.

yes, i am a hopeless romantic. i will always believe that to be true for myself, but i no longer believe that there is someone for everyone or that everyone has a soulmate. being here in las vegas, has changed me…to a certainly degree i feel that i’ve been corrupted.

my eyes have seen things that they just can’t unsee…like women giving out handjobs behind the gas station for cigarettes. my ears are violated daily by the vile and vulgar words and stories of my seventy-seven year old companion.

yesterday, i knew that i had reached my corruption saturation point, when i decided to look at the las vegas craig’s list site. i was actually just curious about what kinds of jobs were available and what the payscales were like.

and then, i became hopelessly sidetracked for several hours by things that i didn’t even realize were okay to put ads on the site for. there was the guy giving out handies for the thrill of it in henderson. there was a sixty-five year old woman who wanted eighteen year old boys and girls to worship her ass.

there was an ad hiring women with beautiful feet to walk across men’s backs for trample videos. the craziest thing that i found out was that fluffers start out at  $2500/week…that’s $10000/month…if i could stomach the work, i’d be all over that one 😂.

so yeah, this city has changed me deeply and profoundly. and, it has corrupted me to some extent…


last friday…

…it was an interesting day. i was already feeling emotional and was not prepared for the added difficulty of forgetting to bring my order for my upper arm ultrasound.

the lady at the desk looked for a copy in her computer system, because my doctor failed to send it electronically. the lady told me to call my doctor’s office and have them send it. i called my doctors office and got a prerecorded message that told me that their office would be closed until august 14, because they were moving the office to a different location.

in that moment, i felt helpless and all alone. i knew that i needed the ultrasound done and thought that i would have to use the little gas that i had to drive back to the apartment to pick-up the stupid paper that i had forgotten to bring with me.

suddenly, my phone started to ring a strange ring. i looked and it was w***y. i answered the phone, with an obviously teary voice. she asked me what was wrong and i told her. i asked her if she would take a photo of the order and email it to me.

w***y saved the day for me. the photo of the order worked and i was able to get my ultrasound that day. i felt very grateful for the help of my friend and for the universe that interceded on my behalf!! w***y never calls me!!

anyway, this photostrip is a compilation of the nature around the imaging center, the people waiting inside of it, and the struggle between a drunk woman and a police officer. i believe that it was the officer that had the worse day, because that woman behaved horribly, spitting on him and saying vile things to him.






an early morning at the barkpark…

…yesterday was the first time in two weeks that buggs has gone to the dog park, as he had kennel cough and was on antibiotics.

that morning, i told him where we were going, but he was not as excited as he would usually be. i think that it had been “so long” that he didn’t necessarily believe me and was being cautiously optimistic.

as we drove with the windows partially down, i watched his nose get more and more intrigued and excited by the scents that were in the air. when we were about a block away, he shot up, looked out the window, and stuck his nose out of the crack.

he absolutely knew where we were. he was up and dancing on his seat and “talking” chihuahua quietly, as if preparing what to say before greeting his friends. he hopped out of the car and immediately began pulling me to the little dog yard.

as we approached, i saw more little dogs in there than i had ever seen before. my god, there must have been upwards of seventy-five furry, little pups. buggs was so excited that he actually allowed himself to enjoy the little dogs for awhile, putting goading the big dogs to chase him along the fenceline out of his mind.

it was difficult to keep an eye on him with so many other dogs around. however, i can always pick my boy’s unique bark and chihuahua chatter. he was running and then would stop to lick ice and then lie down in the shade. he was panting like a wild dog.

watching dogs interact and play is such a joyful and jubilant experience. they are generally so happy to great and see one another. buggs is funny. he’ll do the standard meet and greet of butt sniffing, but then he gives a “come on and chase me,” chihuahua chirp…and, it’s off to the races.

all in all, it was a great morning. you can never go wrong with dogs or the dog park…that’s some potently good therapy.


a very irritated single here…

…and, i’d say that that is stating it nicely. i’m actually pretty shocked and sickened. for you see, both coffee and bagels are very special to me. they hold importance and meaning and are dear to my heart.

the other day a very well-meaning friend sent me a link and told me to try it and see if i liked it. needless to say, it was a link for a dating app. i’ve tried to explain to my friend that i’m on “relationship restriction,” but she doesn’t understand the sentiment.

i very hesitatingly agreed to try it and see what i thought. i didn’t want to, but gave in. so anyway, a little bit later this stupid, motherfucking link appeared in my email. i was instantly irritated by the ridiculous, sickening attempt to be cutesy, contrived name…

coffee meets bagel 😝😡😠

against my better judgement, i humored my friend and checked the ridiculous site out. i spent five minutes on the site and ascertained that i was supposed to be “coffee.” which only meant that potential women to date were supposed to be…you guessed it…”bagels.”

that realization was really disturbing to me for many reasons. i got pissed off and tried to withdraw myself from their system. i received a flashing red box that informed me that by leaving the site i could be, “walking away from ‘my special bagel’.”

and, that was the last bit of painful irony that i expected to be sitting alone with all that day…and, the next day, yesterday, and today. and no, it wasn’t the fact that i left that stupid site and those “faux bagels” behind. it’s something else altogether. something that i’m sorry for. something that brought me to this point.

coffee and bagels are special. they should be treated as such. “coffee meets bagel,” is a contrived manipulation. i love my friend, but good god…she lacked judgement on this one.

tilt table test…

…i never knew that there was such a thing. it sounds like a test that the quality assurance department at a pinball company would perform, but no, it’s for humans. i had one today.

basically, they make sure that you haven’t had anything to eat or drink, start an iv with fluids (just in case), and have you lie down on a table with a pillow on one end and a shelf or ledge on the other.

they make sure that you are comfortable and they strap you in for safety (in case you pass out). once strapped in, they tilt the table up, with the pillow in the air and shelf or ledge toward the floor.

i felt my knees buckle a little bit, but pushed up and straightened my legs. i instantaneously had a strange picture in my head of jesus on the cross, trying to breathe by pushing up off of his feet. that’s terrible and not even close, but that’s what popped into my mind.

after about twenty minutes of standing there strapped in, my knees buckled and my strap popped off. my knees were tired and so was i. and then, another image popped into my mind and this one made me laugh.

in my mind, i saw myself as hannibal lechter…strapped securely to my dolly for transport. it’s an amusing image, although i’m missing his fancy facial mask and armed guards. i allow myself to chuckle for a moment.

the test was finally over, iv removed, and i was helped to my feet. i got up and walked through the hospital labyrinth and out to my waiting seventy-seven year old companion.

the doctor still needs to interpret the results, but the initial take away was that there is nothing amiss with the “electrical system,” between brain and heart that’s causing me to pass out.

so, we are back to the drawing board…




random things about today…

…i woke up at 0400 and looked around my room, but couldn’t find buggs anywhere. his bed was upside down on the floor and he wasn’t in it. i couldn’t understand, because he sleeps in his bed, down at the foot of my bed…with me. i was worried and confused. i thought that perhaps he had been “dognapped.” i called his name several times…no buggs!! the last time that i called him, rather frantically. i saw my pile of dirty clothes (headed for the laundry) move. i saw two little glowing eyes. buggs was sleeping and hiding under my dirty laundry and his bed was upside down on the floor. whatever happened, he’s keeping it a secret from me…

…when i got up at 0700 to start my day…i was angry for some strange reason. i think that after waking up to find buggs hiding and sleeping under my dirty laundry…i had a series of bad dreams involving buggs, a canister of rolled oats, my roommates, and my car’s key fob. i don’t remember any specifics…

…the sky was black and it actually rained for nine minutes. i timed it. it was nice. i miss it so fucking much…everything associated with it. it smelled so good for those nine minutes. it was a gift from the universe to me or at least i am choosing to think so…

…there were accidents both on my way to an ultrasound and coming from the ultrasound in rough the same stretch of freeway, on the opposite side. both accidents required traffic to crawl along at twenty miles per hour. both accidents involved white trucks…

…i spent most of my time today either in a doctor’s office, imaging center, lab, or my car. i didn’t have time to write the posts that i was going to write or to post anything. so instead, i used my time to reflect on some of my accomplishments from over the last year. a very, sage woman suggested that i do this and i felt gratitude for being able to accomplish so much, as a result of improved health and strength…which ironically enough was prompted and encouraged, by said woman. i needed to take that little “time out” today and truly feel blessed for whom and what i have in my life…

…i watched and took photos of a drunk woman as she hit a police officer several times, spit on him, and yelled horrible taunts at him. i don’t know if she was truly out of her mind or trying to bait him into using excessive force or what, but what i witnessed was a very patient, male officer. he went out of his way to call a female officer to get the lady into cuffs and pat her down. it made me happy to see something other than what i see and hear about on the news…

…i’m exhausted…physically, mentally, and emotionally, but tomorrow is a new day and tomorrow i am going to take some more of that sage advice. actually, not just tomorrow, but everyday. i will visualize what i want. i will say it out loud. and, i will write about it! so, i’m excited, because i for the most part know what i want and don’t want for myself. i guess that i will call accomplishing my goals, phase three. i will be working phases two and three concurrently and i will be writing about these wants and goals…