never really enjoying myself, just faking it enough, to take a quick look around, to see if anyone notices. a good rule of thumb is, that if someone else notices me, more than likely, they’re faking it, too.
if someone notices me faking it…i generally make a beeline for them…most of the time, it’s guaranteed they’re the person at the party, that i want to be talking to. they have a story, a spark, or a secret.
most of the time, i’m just numb…comfortably numb. choking back tears, pushing down desire, choking on unrequited love…i desensitize myself to it all, pushing myself to the edge, and then pulling back.
don’t you worry now, because i can carry a lot, on my shoulders. i’m stronger and healthier now, but i’m numb…and, as long as i don’t feel anything, i’m fine…and, as long as i don’t think about you, i’m fine.