august 14, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…waking up at my new normal time 0400. getting a really good walk in with buggs. making sure that i got sixty minutes of cardio in, since i still haven’t been cleared to go back to my circuit workouts yet…

…three cups of black coffee enjoyed at my desk while i worked on finishing something important. i was nice and made sure to leave r*****d a cup, even though he didn’t even get up until after 1630…

…having such a nice new desktop to work on, while listening to music with my headphones, and sitting in my “new to me” chair that j***y passed on to me. it is so much more comfortable under my ass than the hard wood, kitchen table chair that i used to sit on. it hurt my bum and made both legs go completely numb, so this whole new set-up is awesome…

…finally pulling all of the pieces that i’ve been writing, deleting, and starting to write all over again…together in one place to make something that hopefully made sense, didn’t overwhelm, and wasn’t weird…but, while i’m glad that i’ve finished finally…i know that i probably could have made it more concise…

…peace and quiet, since r*****d slept for most of the day. it is always so nice for me to be able to hear myself think…to not have fox news blaring, or the phrase, “and death,” bellowed over and over again…

…my fantasy football drafts, to keep my mind off of heavier things. i have five teams and i am entirely ready to dominate my leagues…and yes, i am an absolute nerd…

…the silly text messages that just made me laugh…

my mind is quiet. my body is healing my heart is full.

namaste.

august 11, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…being up at 0400 and working on finishing up that important thing that has been set aside, because of fear or frustration or both. i sat quietly and searched my soul for the specific message i wanted to relate and the best way to accomplish that. i spent a lot of time visualizing what the finished product looked like. i visualized myself being pleased with the end result and sending it. i visualized the reception and response. i spoke these things outloud and now i’m writing about them…but, in vague terms…

…being finally able to take buggs to the barkpark again after his two week quarantine for kennel cough, while he was treated with his antibiotics. we arrived at 0530 and i have never ever seen as many dogs as i saw today in the small dog area. i kid you not, there was easily seventy-five small dogs. it was crazy…pure small dog insanity. it was nice out, still cool and shady. we spent a total of two hours there. buggs played and i walked laps around the park…three miles in total…

…i had three cups of coffee when we got back and took it back to my room, where i worked on my important thing until about 1330, at which point in time, my babysitting duties began…

…i had some time today to work on some of my new photos and post to instagram…

…j**s and i talked for awhile today about my program and waiting to hear back from doctor, before pushing ahead with more strenuous workouts. i’m still doing sixty minutes of cardio everyday, just haven’t been able to do circuit workouts each night, until my doctor gives his blessing…

…a delicious dinner…

i am deserving of good treatment. i am worthy of love. i will have what i want.

namaste.

august 9, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…waking up at 0400. walking with buggs, watching the sunrise and photographing it…

…getting to enjoy two cups of black coffee before getting ready for my appointment…

…the nicest, coldest shower that i think that i’ve had this hot sweaty summer. i felt so much better afterwards, like a new person ready for my day…

…clean clothes that felt and smelt really good. i was glad to have something super comfortable to wear for my test. so comfortable in fact, that i may have worn said outfit as a “sleep costume” before…

…r*****d being kind enough to get up and take me to my test, as i needed a driver to drive me home after the test. i was really surprised and really thankful…

…r*****d treating me to a cold drink when i was finished…

…w***y making both r*****d sandwiches upon our arrival back to the apartment…

…w***y and j***y watching buggs while i was having my test…

…really super nice nurses…c****l and l**a…they were funny and kept me entertained. l**a installed my iv quickly and painlessly…

…some clarity and focus…

…for really good advice for reaching my goals and attaining my dreams. i’m grateful for my friend and her kindness. she has a beautiful, strong, and wise spirit…

…losing five more pounds…

i am becoming focused. i am appreciating my achievements. i will have what i want.

namaste.

 

august 1, 2017…

…today, i am grateful for…

…waking up at between 0400 and 0500. i was able to get some writing done and i took buggs for a really nice long walk. we sat together on the patio, listened to the birds sing, and i enjoyed two cups of coffee, as we watched the brilliant orange sun overtake a fuchsia sky…

…i shared some interesting text conversations, with j**s, regarding some new recipes for protein and filling fiber. she also sent me some new core workouts…

…i cooled myself down with a really, nice, cold shower. it woke me up and refreshed me. it felt good to let the desert dirt glide right off and go down the drain….

…a quick and uneventful commute to therapy…

…another interesting therapy session. i am grateful for the message that the universe seems to be sending me. i need to accept said message, find a new therapist, and move on…

…the fact that i can rest easily knowing that all of my bills are paid…car registration, car payment, insurance, and other expenses…

…being strong and healthy and able to be independent and free. the concept of freedom, being able to come and go as i please…has filled me with a lot of hope and the wherewithal to accomplish all of my goals…

…getting lots of walking and cardio in today, as i spent the day erranding and going in and out of stores…

…the ninety-nine cent store was so busy and hot today. the check out lines were very long. i was so exhausted and sweating profusely. instead of focusing on how miserable i was, i noticed a little boy in line ahead of me. he may have been around five. he sat there in that cart, so patiently and quietly. he was pretty precious, as he sat before me eating his bbq flavored pringles. i was staring at him, waiting to see if he would notice. we made eye contact. he shied away and hid his face, only to look back at me. i smiled at him and he smiled back. we amused each other for about a half an hour. we made faces at each other and laughed. we sang songs quietly. and, he discussed in detail, why he should not get a popsicle or ice cream sandwich out of the case and ask his mother to buy it. he explained that once it comes out of the case, it begins melting, and that by the time he got to the car…it would be sticky liquid. he was a very smart and funny little boy. i gave him a high five and told him that he made my day, when he left. and quite honestly, he did make my day…

i am independent. i am free. i am confident.

namaste.

july 28, 2017…

…today, i am grateful for…

…a decent night of sleep. i only woke up once at 0400. then, i went back to sleep. i watched house of cards¬†last night and i didn’t even dream about it…progress!…

…an early morning walk with, buggs. it was really hot and humid, but we did it…

…two cups of coffee, enjoyed on the patio with buggs…

…such a nice, quiet morning, noon, and afternoon…without r*****d. j***y and i thought that he was sleeping, but he came walking in the door around 1600. it was really nice while it lasted…

…quiet time to use wisely this morning. i was able to fill my pill box. i was able to get more prescriptions refilled. i made a doctor’s appointment with my primary care physician. i put bids in for jobs making powerpoint presentations, naming products, and designing instagram pages on upwork for freelancers. i began writing a piece for tomorrow’s blog. i’ve nearly got the thing that i’ve been writing where i want it. i did all of my chores, cardio, and will workout tonight…

…my meditation this morning, that set the tone for the whole day…

today, my spirit is quiet. today, my mind was busy and satisfied. today, my heart is ready to love and be loved. (even though it is still on “relationship restriction.” i believe that what i really mean, is that each day…i love myself a little more…i think that maybe i finally believe that i am worthy enough to accept my own love…progress!)

namaste.

july 23 – 24, 2017…

during these days, i have been grateful for…

…a quiet, birthday spent with the girls and r*****d. the girls went to great pains to provide me with a birthday meal fit for a queen. w***y picked out ribs and j***y woke up early and rubbed them down. and then, began prepping them. they cooked all long four or five hours and filled the apartment with delicious and tantalizing scents. j***y plated my food first and bestowed a beautiful and aroma filled plate upon my place setting. the meat fell right off of the bone and was delicious. they were paired with potato salad and applewood smoked, bacon, baked beans. all were absolutely delightful. r*****d had w***y buy a reese’s peanut butter, ice cream cake. they put a tealight candle in the middle of it, sang happy birthday, while j***y videotaped the whole affair, i made a wish, blew out my candle, and will apparently be getting my wish…

…all of the birthday greetings and well-wishes from my friends and family. a lot of which, i have had for thirty plus years. those made my day very special…

…a surprise birthday greeting from my friend, that was very much appreciated and very much unexpected, made my day feel more important…

…a day off of workouts from, j**s. and, a fun “pretend” trip to the magic kingdom, where we “rode” space mountain and ate churros. she “bought” me glow in the dark, mickey ears, ¬†and “made” me “wear” them in the park that night. before the trip, i was “treated” to a “whirl-wind shopping spree,” in which i am “pointed” in the right direction…nerdy, vintage star wars t-shirt, new charcoal cargo shorts that fit and don’t fall off, and snazzy new vans. i “picked out” a purple, swatch watch with a french bulldog, on the face to round out my outfit. the whole “shopping spree” was the result of me “threatening” to wear 1970’s short, dolphin’s shorts…a vintage, golden rod colored, chargers t-shirt…1970’s knee socks with three stripes around the top…1970’s wallabee’s shoes…and, a 1970’s crocheted, pabst blue ribbon, beer can hat. so, other than our “imaginary trip,” i went nowhere and did nothing…

…today, buggs and i went to the dogpark and the splashpad. i walked laps around the park, while he peed everywhere, and ran around. it was hot and muggy…both mama and boy went through the sprinklers…

…my car that is my freedom. i love them both, the car and the freedom…

…a second birthday card and present from my dad. the thought and deed were much appreciated…

i am aging gracefully. i am accepting what is, in this moment. i am coming home, soon.

namaste.

 

july 21, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…a wonderful email from my friend. it was received a few days ago, but i’m still feeling much gratitude today. it was very unexpected and very appreciated. it made me feel re-inspired to write and keep moving in the right direction…

…an early morning walk with buggs before it got too hot and humid…

…three cups of coffee enjoyed on the patio with buggs, as the sun came up…

…my god a whole glorious chunk of quiet time without r*****d, from 0500 until 1344. it was heavenly. i got a lot of writing done and didn’t have to compete with r*****d for control of my hearing, thoughts, or sanity…

…a delicious dinner created by w***y…

…my adorable, silly clown of a dog, buggs. who today discovered peanuts and his love of them. i dropped one on my stomach and left it there waiting to see what would happen, as he had been watching me eat them very carefully. i watched him, as he allowed his curiosity to get the best of him. he sat and focused on the peanut for the longest time, but then, very slowly he crept forward until he was just about there and then, he stopped. he stared at that peanut, until he could no longer stand it anymore. he then, swooped in, grabbed it and jumped onto the floor, where he proceeded to chew it up and swallow it. and then, he jumped back up on me looking for more. he stared at me, until i gave him just one more…

…my friend and her sister arriving back at lax safe and sound, from mn…

…a day off from work, errands, and exercise after losing all day yesterday…

…being able to have the freedom to leave and go anywhere, at anytime. it’s absolutely blissful to know that i have a car, a full tank of gas, very few possessions, and a dog. we could really do it…we could do it right now…tonight!! go home that is…it’s incredibly possible and i know that now…

i am growing stronger and healthier everyday. i am becoming more secure and confident in myself. i am worthy and deserving of love.

namaste.