it’s all just a blur now…

life has changed radically for me. i have gone from being dependent on others, heavily medicated, unhealthy, and really not doing much…with a lot of free time on my hands to write…to being completely independent of others, not heavily medicated (went from 26 meds down to 5), healthy and able, and doing so much with my life that i don’t have as much time to write as i once had.

i live independently of others. it’s just me and buggs. while we help others in my family…mainly my sister and dad…we no longer live with them. i come and go as i please and i am accountable to no one else but myself and buggs. i have made many new friends and we do stuff like plant a garden, play cards and games, go out to eat, go to the free movies, and more. it feels good to be beholden to no one.

when i was in washington…i was on 32 different medications. in montana, that amount was cut to 26. in nevada, that amount was cut to 24. and now…here in oklahoma, i take a total of 5 different medications. i no longer fall asleep, when i am supposed to be awake. i don’t feel at all sleepy when driving. i feel alert and alive and it feels so much better than being overly medicated.

i walk and workout each day, being mindful of burning 1000 more calories than i consume. i am eating a healthy diet and lots of protein. i am building muscle and losing fat. i am strengthening my core and gaining endurance. i am stronger and more able-bodied than i have been in 10-15 years. i am proud of myself.

i am always busy here. there is always something to do. i’ve had five dog transports in the last 4 weeks. i have visited arizona, new mexico, texas, arkansas, kansas, and nebraska as of late. i’ve been busy helping with my nieces and running errands. i’ve been going all over taking photographs. buggs and i are having one adventure after another.

i am happy being independent, fully alert, healthy, stronger, and able to choose my own adventure each day. i feel vital, capable, useful, and free. those are good feelings to have. i like me much better now. i know that i am worthy and deserving of love.

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