our second journey, part one…

after returning from our first journey, it took me a good long while to return to functional homeostasis. i have a sleep disorder, so, usually i sleep when i can (when it’s “proper sleep time.”) and i sleep best when using my c-pap (but even then, i am usually up and down all night.).

my main problem for a week or so, was waking up in a cold sweat, thinking that i forgot to pick-up someone’s pet. my first night/morning it took me two hours to figure out who i was and where i was. this has happened a handful of times in the last year and always when i am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. i am absolutely terrified when this happens and i know that it scares buggs, too.

i knew that i had another journey approaching quickly. i did not feel good and i was altogether anxious. i talked to some friends that didn’t think that i should cancel, because i had given my word, and that i should treat the trip as a “vacation.” they thought that i should “go home,” see my dogs, and visit with friends.

j**s and i discussed it and thought that i should cancel, because i just was not myself. so, i cancelled the contract and talked to the client. at the time, she was very “nice and understanding.” i told her that i would give her a list of drivers to contact and i gave her twenty-five names and numbers.

halfway through the day, she began texting and calling me in a panic, saying that she could not get a response from any other driver. so, i gave her a list of twenty-five more drivers. at almost midnight, she called and offered me $100 more. looking back now, i don’t think that she called anyone. i think that she played me and i felt bad and gulity and “took the bait.”

at the time, i had to wear a heart monitor for ten days. and i am sure that it registered all kinds of stressful things. i had not done laundry or packed, filled my pill box, shopped for toiletries, water, snacks, or dog food. oh…and i had no cash. i had to borrow $170 from richard, to embark on that fantastical, magical, never-ending journey.

i ran around like a chicken with my head cut off for most of the day trying to do chores, errands, and pack to leave. it was nearly 1600 when buggs and i made our very hasty departure. i opened up my wayz app and she began navigating us from henderson, nv to south lake tahoe, ca. (i broke up with google after our last journey and the great basin debacle.).

i was bleary eyed, exhausted, and just didn’t feel good. i was worried about buggs getting away from me. i was worried that he might get dog flu (he’s vaccinated for it now.). i was worried about what would happen if i got “sleep sick” and didn’t know who i was or where i was. i did not feel good and i lacked all of my fierceness and confidence.

before we left, i ran into circle k to grab some sour patch kids. i felt myself beginning to fade maybe an hour before the amargosa valley. i reached over and grabbed what i thought were the sour patch kids. i opened the package and put one in my mouth. i was unexpectedly disgusting…not sour, not sweet, kind of flavorless, and filled with very unpleasant liquid. i was very dissatisfied.

we stopped at the amargosa valley rest area, so that i could get that taste out of my mouth and so that i could walk. my body felt stiff and tight, but i tried not to think about it and pressed on. we stayed at the rest area for quite awhile, as it was a “virtual treasure trove” of photos everywhere just waiting to be taken. i took lots and lots of photos…

…until tomorrow…



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