no…maybe so…

…i wrote recently about a day when i was looking at photos of myself to show j**s, of my progression over the last two and a half years…

…i talked about the photo that i saw of myself…how happy i was…what i was doing…and who i was doing it for…it was a difficult time for me…

…however, i pulled myself together…i used the tools that i was given and i threw myself into creating and writing…and trying new things…

…in that photo, i was creating for the person who filled me with magic and inspired me to be creative and to be the best me that i could be…

…i remember seeing my coffee filter creations taped to the door of the stand-up freezer, of the shop, as i gathered and packed my things…

…they were a bittersweet reminder of magic, joy, and loss. something and someone so very special to me. i couldn’t leave them behind…

…i took them down in a hurry and shoved them into my back pack. they made the trip to the desert with me. i recently took notice of them again…

…i found them when i cleaned out my back pack…coloful, crumpled, cast-offs. sad little reminders of the most precious heart, i’ve ever known…

…other than my own. as i headed to meet my friend for brunch, i remembered them. snatched them up and shoved them into my pocket…

…i had intended to give them to her. i don’t know why, but thought they should be with her. i felt them in my pocket, as we hugged goodbye…

…i thought better of it, because i’ve come to the realization that the only person that the multitudinous details, meaningful random occurrences, and…

…mystical moments matter to is just me. songs being played, the birds on watch, and the gorgeous location…to me all incredibly full of magic and meaning…

…i was there. i was present. i wasn’t distracted, antsy, or jittery. i took in the sights, sounds, and smells…because i always want to remember…

…i had no expectation. i just felt incredibly blessed and grateful to once again be in the company of someone that had at the time…saw “future me”…

…perhaps that “future me” is yet to be seen and transformed to. i am a work in progress and their is always room for growth, change, and improvement…

…i am certainly not there yet and never claimed to be, but i am on a journey of self-discovery, examination, and experimentation…

…i will get there. i am confident. i have faith in myself and my abilities. i am more than capable. i am witty and charming and more than worthy…

…she is still my beautiful friend and always will be. the one who inspired and ignited the fire within me…encouraged and supported me…

…i will always be here and available to her. she knows that. she knows lots of things. but i sense a sadness, a deep hurt, and profound disappointment…

…several weeks ago, j**s gave me a magic wand to use to make things different, to enhance and improve. i am going to use it to give my extra magic…

…to my friend…to help her to heal faster, to restore her, and to bring her abundance. she deserves all of those things, but especially to just be happy…

…i am thinking, reflecting, and deciding what to do next, where to go, who to see, but the truth of the matter is that it doesn’t matter to anyone but me…because i am a tourist…

…i am in bremerton and here i will stay, until i feel less road weary, more in charge, and until i feel that buggs and i can safely proceed…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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