love languages…

…for some reason my therapist decided that we should talk about different “love languages.” i’m still not entirely sure why we were doing this, since i’m on “relationship restriction” and all. i’m so fucking confused by love and talk of love. quite honestly, i’m entirely clueless.

i’m full of love. i have lots of love to give…tons and tons. i give it to those that want and return it…buggs, my nephew, my nieces, my friends, my other dogs that live with my ex (cash and carly), strangers that i try to be kind to each day, even r*****d, and the girls. i even love myself now, finally after all of these years.

but, i still have this surplus…a giant surplus of love that just feels like it’s causing my heart to burst at the seams. i feel it. my heart feels full, tight, and engorged. there is so much there, none of it surface, all of it very-very deep…it’s dark blue, non-oxygenated, never released, donated, or given to another…thick, sticky, completely pure.

like i said, i feel it. it’s always there gnawing at me, reminding me, prodding me forward. this fullness in my chest makes me wonder why exactly i’m still on “restriction” and why on earth i’m still taking any of this strange approach to therapy so seriously still. the answer is that i’m not giving up on myself. i’m trying everything, until something works.

hee-hee-hee…someday my charm, wit, and love will get to someone. in the meantime, what do i do? well, i’m bidding and biding my time to make extra money to make my dreams a reality. i’m keeping an open heart and mind with these therapeutic tactics, even though i’m clearly not pleased with being treated like i’m less than…i march on.

so anyway, gary chapman wrote a book called, the five languages of love, in 1995. my therapist thought that i should take the profile test and see what my love language was. for some reason, she thought that i would learn something remarkable from discovering my “love language.” well, i guess that what i did discover was pretty surprising to me.

the following are taken directly from the website, but these are the five languages of love and their descriptions:

physical touch: “this language isn’t all about the bedroom. a person whose primary language is physical touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.”

quality time: “in the vernacular of quality time, nothing says, “i love you,” like full, undivided attention. being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the tv off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.”

words of affirmation: “actions don’t always speak louder than words. if this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. hearing the words, “i love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.”

acts of service: “can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? absolutely! anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “acts of service” person will speak volumes. the words he or she most want to hear: “let me do that for you.” laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.”

receiving gifts: “don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. if you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. a missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.”

okay, so i took the profile test, which if you’re interested in taking it, i’ve provided the link. the results of my profile test revealed the following score: 11 physical touch, 8 quality time, 8 words of affirmation, 2 acts of service, and 1 receiving gifts. so, for anyone keeping score…apparently, my love language is physical touch. i never knew that before.

apparently, i do best with physical touch and intimacy. i like to feel connection to my partner. of course, i also like quality time and words of affirmation, both make me feel loved and appreciated. i’m not big on receiving material gifts. i’m more into receiving gifts of love and gifts of the heart…that’s what matters to me.

 

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