i live on a limited income…

***tonight, it seemed apropos to go through the things that i have written in the last year. i came across this little gem that i had written about, m****a.***

i live on a limited income

yes, sure that’s sometimes true of my finances…sometimes not…

but, what i speak of is much more existential, than anything else…

what i’m talking about is way more valuable to me than any currency…

it may have no value at all to you and in fact you’ve shown me that repeatedly…

i’m talking about the things that give my life authenticity and meaning…

the things that i either give myself, i earn, or i accept as gifts from others…

there are many of these things, but i will use love as an example…

i have a very limited amount of love in my life, it’s my most scarce commodity…

i absolutely, positively have to keep as much as i can for myself…

as i have only a small stipend coming in each month from friends and buggs…

i really don’t have any extra love to throw around willy-nilly…

if i use half of the love that i was going to use on myself, on you…

it’s because i wanted to and i thought that you were worth sharing with…

i didn’t expect you to share with me, but had a little left from the month before…

you liked it, you liked it a lot and wanted more, that made me happy. i obliged…

at the end of the third month, you came by with your hand out…

i looked deep within myself, in each and every place, and found no trace of love…

the love was gone, absolutely nothing for myself and nothing for you…

i looked up rather sheepishly, expecting to meet your gaze, but you were gone…

long gone…and there i was wondering how i could give to my own dog…

what i-myself had so foolishly and recklessly squandered, risking it all…

wondering how i could give him, what i no longer even had for myself…

in one movement, he was in my lap, licking my tears away…

in that moment, his sweet nature and kindness filled me…

filled me with more than enough love for both of us, he and i…

 

 

 

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