…come the most honest and direct statements that you’ll probably ever hear about yourself. the fact is that most of the people within your core group of friends and family have well-established filters.
your people tend to choose the filter of courtesy, instead of honesty. and really, it’s not even a matter of choice…it’s ingrained, second-nature, automatic.
the fact is that for many, not hurting someone else’s feelings is more comfortable, than being honest, and having to deal with possible discomfort.
i have experienced exceptions to this personal theory/opinion, but only in three categories. in my experience, it’s the children…the eldery…and, the inebriated.
the children generally haven’t developed filters yet and just tend to have a natural disposition for honesty. they have no idea of what will hurt someone else’s feelings.
for instance, one day my five year old niece asked me to chase her around the backyard, being a monster. i told her that auntie k couldn’t. she stopped me there.
she came over to me, grabbed my face in her hands, and looked into my eyes. she asked me very matter of factly, “auntie k is that because you’re fat?”
of course that was two years ago, but the point being, she was brutally honest with no fear of ramifications. i answered, “yes, a*****l, it’s because i’m fat. i won’t always be.”
the elderly have had and used courtesy filters in the past. there are two major reasons for their honesty later in life. they are tired of “having” to spare people’s feelings and the onset of dementia.
for instance, recently i was helping to care for my friend’s mother, who was on home hospice. she asked me if r*****d and w***y were having an affair. i replied, “no.”
she looked at me and said, “it could happen under your nose and you wouldn’t ever know, because you’re stupid.” i was really shocked and taken aback, but i knew that she was right.
stupid is a word, that in my case can be interchanged with gullible and/or too trusting. i trust people to be honest with me, many times they aren’t. things happen right in front of me and i just don’t see them.
the inebriated have no filter. in my experience, they will say whatever is on their mind…whenever they feel like it…to whomever they want.
for instance, i was sitting outside last night, enjoying some quiet while i wrote. j***y came out. out of courtesy, i asked her what she was doing. she said that she was watching a harry potter movie.
i said, “oh.” she asked if i’d seen it and i said, “no.” then, very deliberately and with forethought in mind 😉, she looked at me and stated very authoritatively, ” you’re the most boring person that i’ve ever met.”
there was just an intoxicated stare that told me that whatever i said, would neither make any kind of cerebral dent, nor be remembered. yeah, whatever, i’m boring.