“all the best laid plans…

…of mice and men often go awry.” – john steinbeck, of mice and men (adapted from: “the best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men, gang aft a-gley.” – robert burns, to a mouse).

last night, i planned to once again go out at 8 pm. i got ready and got my things together. i sat down in my chair. richard was talking non-stop. i guess he missed me.

the more he talked, the sleepier i got. my alarm was set for 7:45 pm, so, i had a plan and a “fail safe”…i wasn’t worried…plus, i’d just taken my meds and knew i’d stay up.

my plans unraveled and went completely awry without me even realizing it. the next thing i remembered, was j***y asking me if i was going to go to bed.

i didn’t quite understand, as i was jarred awake again. richard was no longer in the living room and the tv was no longer on. the lights were bright and still on.

the clock read 2:22 am. i was frustrated and very confused. i had passed out, yet again, my plans had gone awry. everyone had just gone to bed and left me there.

that is one of the things that i hate the most. my ex used to do that to me all the time. by the time i was fully cognizant, there was no point in going out anymore.

i took my meds and i still fell asleep. i’m getting more and more frustrated, and exhausted…and less and less of what i need, and want to get done, done.

perhaps the universe is trying to tell me something…and perhaps, i just need to listen. it doesn’t mean that i’m giving up on my dream…I’M NEVER GIVING UP!!!

i am, however, tweaking my plan just a bit, as i cannot allow myself to get rundown or unhealthy. i feel myself falling into a sleep/wake/dream state and i must stop it.

i’m coming home…come hell or high water.


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