march 23, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…the time that i had with my mom while she was still here. i learned a lot from her and she is in my heart. when i feel like giving up, i just think of her. she never gave up, she wanted to, but she didn’t. i am grateful for her never completely giving up on me and for her loving me to the best of her ability. i am grateful that she taught me right from wrong and how to be a good person…

…two cups of strong, black coffee…

…things to do to keep my brain from spinning out of control and having a complete meltdown…computer games, writing, walking, rowing, researching my next move, lining up resources, netflix, and cuddling with buggs…

…stems and silly affirmations to work on, since i haven’t been able to make it to therapy in three sessions…

…meditation and mindfulness, although my mindfulness has been challenged greatly over the course of the last few days…but, it makes me all the more resolute to stay present, even if it is difficult and uncomfortable. the meditation saves me throughout the day, giving my mind, body, and spirit…”a time out” and respite…

…my goofy, precious, twelve-pound pup, buggs. he has kept me company, taken me for walks, helped me pick up food that’s fallen on the floor, caught my tears as they fell, been my chaperone to iowa, and loved me unconditionally, since october 1, 2016…

…the breakfast that wendy made me earlier and the dinner that she just hand-delivered to me, in my room…

…a beautiful day outside of this apartment…cooler air, a very nice breeze, billowy clouds, and the smell of rain (which i miss so much!!)…

i am stronger than anyone, but me knows. i am more capable, than anyone realizes. i can have what i want and i will.

namaste.

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