mom…

…today, i will celebrate your life…

…seventy-two years ago today…

…you entered this world…

…full of promise and life…

…you had a great role model and friend in your grandma…

…she provided you with safe harbor from the storm…

…she taught you how to make biscuits…

…she taught you to sew and quilt…

…she taught you to love and respect nature…

…you owned the outdoors…

…the front and back yard…

…paid homage to your masterful and meticulous planning…

…you saw it in your mind…

…before you planted it…

…you had a plan for each bulb and seed…

…nothing ever went to waste…

…nothing ever looked out of place…

…your trees were your crowning glory…

…you collected them and raised them up…

…you nurtured them…

…you pruned them with love…

…they reciprocated by bearing flowers and fruit…

…bountiful abundance…

…you loved your birds…

…(all except those doves)…

…(who make that awful, awful sound)…

…you knew each species and each variety of songbird in montana…

…you had a different feeder…

…with a different kind of food…

…for each one…

…you made sure that they had…

…suet and seed…

…you made sure that they had water…

…to drink and to bathe in…

…in the winter…

…you made sure that their water was defrosted…

…you plugged in the heater…

…in the bath…

…you taught me patience…

…you taught me persistence…

…you taught me how to be strong and independent…

…i remember you trying to show me…

…how to make real hard cooked fudge…

…not the shitty kind with marshmallows…

…three weeks before you left…

…i was so busy trying to absorb…

…your essence and wisdom…

…that i didn’t notice…

.. that it was burning…

…you were disgusted with me.. 

…you grabbed the pot…

…took it directly outside…

…and, scraped it into the garbage…

…i got “the eye,” the point, and the head shake…

…when you came back…

…you told me never to tell…

…m*****a, that you were secretly teaching me…

…something that she so desperately…

…wanted to know…

…i remember when you could still talk…

…you told me how special snowflakes were…

…you told me about the patterns that you saw…

…as they drifted about in the wind…

…you wanted to be a snowflake…

…free and beautiful…

…dancing on the jetstream…

…landing at will…

…melting away to become water droplets…

…and, sometimes i wonder…

…if i gave you any comfort…

…if i provided you with peace and calm…

…if i could have done anything…

…any differently…

…to make anything…

…any better for you…

…i still have the photos of the notes…

…that you wrote to me…

…in your frustration…

…you were right when you wrote…

…that i was thin skinned…

…and that i take things too seriously…

…you were worried that i didn’t have…

…fun, warmth, caring, and love in my life…

…you were concerned about me and my self-defeating ways…

…i hope that you can see the progress…

…that i’ve made…

…in all areas of my life…

…and, i hope that you know…

…that i miss you and i love you…

…happy birthday, mom…

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