i used to (conclusion part one)…

wow…so here i am several days removed from the event…what i used to do…go to concerts by myself. yes, i forgot exactly what it was like, because i got so used to going with a girlfriend or partner.

i realized that i missed going and being in the company of someone that i could share a “magical musical” experience with. i missed being able to compare and contrast my experience versus that of my girlfriend or partner afterward, over a late dinner or coffee.

i missed holding a hand or a well placed kiss. i missed the loud whispers and shared knowing looks. i missed making a space for my other to be able to see without obstruction and without being pushed or shoved.

those things being said, there were plenty of things that i didn’t miss. i didn’t miss having to wait for someone else to get ready. i didn’t miss accompanying someone else to the bathroom, when i didn’t have to go.

i didn’t miss watching someone else spend $10 for a beer, that could be consumed at home for pennies on the dollar. i didn’t miss someone else having too much to drink or smoke…or the belligerent aftermath that came with it.

i didn’t miss filling my pockets with everything but the kitchen sink. i didn’t miss someone trying to talk me out of going, because they didn’t want to. i didn’t miss someone getting bored and having an attitude, until we left and they got their own way.

as for my very first, singular concert appearance in some 22 years, it was magical and extraordinary…minus one or two things here or there. to begin with, i will tell you that i was running very late…because richard was fucking with me, on my way out the door.

i had wanted to arrive at least an hour early, the doors opened at 7 pm (chelsea @ the cosmo). i had a floor ticket (other ticket went unused), and the floor was standing room only. since i was a “footloose and fancy-free” single, i wanted to be as close as possible.

i arrived in the cosmopolitan parking lot at 7:33 pm, cursing richard for making me so late. i was worked up worrying about getting a spot to stand right up by the stage…where i could see and hear absolutely everything. i’d already planned everything out in my mind.

and in my frustration and haste, i forgot my phone. the thing about that was, that i didn’t even realize that i had forgotten it, until i had already gone through the doors. when i realized, i ran back over to the doors and saw the sign that said”no re-admittance.”

once again, i was cursing richard. i was determined not to let him ruin my night. i asked someone what time it was and it was getting pretty close to 8 pm. i still hadn’t meandered into a spot that i deemed “acceptable,” so, i began maneuvering to get to the stage.

now mind you, one of the last concerts that i went to, was “x.” i went to the show with two other people and i seemed pretty okay physically. i had no problem getting around and moving. we ended up in the very front, up against the stage, right where i like it.

but somehow, after the opening band, i noticed that people were getting drunk and obnoxious. they started getting sloppy and spilling on me. and then, they started pushing. now i’m sorry, but that’s just something that i don’t like and won’t tolerate.

***and, i’m really sorry, but i need to stop here for the day. i’ve had kind of a difficult day and i just need to row it all away and meditate. then, i’m just going to go to bed and start over again. i will have a better day tomorrow. i’m sure 😀😉😨.***

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