today hasn’t been the best day. it certainly hasn’t been the worst day either, but today was spent being fluish…generically achy and overly painful…headachy and generally kind of crabby. it’s funny, now that i think about it, buggs, really didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. he decided instead to act all coy and cute…and, pretend that he didn’t hear me, when i told him that it was time to go out for a walk. he snuggled down even more deeply into the super-warm and fuzzy blanket that the two girls, in iowa, bought him for christmas. he really loved those girls and his girlfriend, ladybug, but i digress…
it’s just been that kind of a day. trying to make giant leaps, instead of taking baby steps, spinning around, and landing on my ass. and, i just have to repeat my silly affirmations and make myself laugh, or otherwise i may find myself remembering something that i just want to forget…and, out they come…tears-a-plenty. it’s interesting…i guess that it’s both a blessing and a curse, that i have a nearly perfect memory. i mean, i can remember most everything and in surprising detail, from smells, to tastes, to sounds, to sights, and feelings. and that, is a wonderful thing, when the memory is a good one.
however, when the memory is sad, upsetting, or painful…it can be maybe half as debilitating, as the original action. that part, is the trauma brought on by an external trigger and is the all-incumbent gift of post-traumatic-stress-disorder. for the most part, i have tools and resources at my disposal, to diffuse negative reactions to triggers…and most of the time, the triggers themselves, before they ever even become a problem. i like to think of my tools (“super powers”), as bomb-sniffing dogs. they seek out the bombs and their handler (me) diffuses them, thus, giving me all of the ultimate power over them.
so, i’ve come to realize, that basically, i’ve got all of the power. absolutely nothing, has the power to destroy me or hurt me in anyway…no words, no memories, no triggers…absolutely nothing. i’ve come such a long way, in such a short time. and yes, “super powers” take a little getting used to, a lot of trial and error, but i’ve totally got this. just like adopting my george costanza, “exact opposite” reasoning…i had to adjust that to fit my situation and now, i’m just trying to fit into my “costume” (superhero). and, as i’ve been told,”if the cape fits…wear it.”