she told me that it’s okay…

…to be angry…really angry…really-really angry. she told me that it’s okay to be absolutely pissed off. and, she told me that it’s okay to seethe.

she told me that i’ve been in denial for so long, that these memories will come like flashes, black and white stills, arriving mysteriously into my consciousness. 

it’s okay for me to be angry, but, i’ve got to do it in a healthy, healing way. i’m not going to take my anger out on myself, or anyone else. 

it’s okay for me to feel it, document it, and set it aside. by feeling it and documenting it…i’m disarming it, usurping it’s power over me…it’s power to hurt me and prevent me from healing.

once i’ve disarmed it…it’s okay for me to set it aside, until i’m ready to examine it fully, glean all of the important information, and use it to my advantage…to learn, change, grow…heal.

she told me that it’s okay…

…to be angry…really angry…really-really angry. she told me that it’s okay to be absolutely pissed off. and, she told me that it’s okay to seethe.

and, that’s what i’m doing. i’m taking these flashes and i’m writing them down to review, as i go along on this journey. i’m mad…actually, i’m livid and i’ll never allow anyone to treat me like shit again.

because, it’s okay for me to be angry. it’s okay for me to put my foot down. it’s okay to have and enforce boundaries. and, it’s okay to call out those who’ve hurt me on their shit.

but, as i go along…i’m healing. i’m pruning back the beautiful tree, that is me. i’m getting rid of the branches that are no longer necessary, so, that i can once again flower and bear delicious fruit. i’m choosing to grow. 

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