wtf…

what the fuck.

i just got back from taking buggs for a walk.

i was fully clothed in my “leave the house costume.”

i walked in the door, bent over, and took his leash off.

richard, who has become a permanent fixture in the living room, saw me leave and told buggs (whom he refers to as, “numb nuts.”), “to get a good sniff.”

i stood up, opened the sliding glass door, made sure that the screen door was shut, and turned on the fan.

richard yelled out, “you’re not going out there like that without a bra!!!”

i just froze for a moment, my mind going in nine different directions. 

in my mind, i kept hearing the “lady” who gives me directions on my navigation saying, “recalculating, recalculating, recalculating.”

and then, i had exactly three very clear thoughts.

1.) what the fuck!!!

2.) does it look like my boobs are down to my knees?

3.) are you fucking looking at my boobs?

this is the conversation, as i remember it:

“richard, i am wearing a fucking bra. i am fully dressed. does it look like i’m not wearing a bra? are my boobs hanging down to my bellybutton? what the fuck?”

“uh huh uh oh well, now you’re all paranoid. i didn’t say anything and now you’re all paranoid. stop being paranoid. i didn’t do anything.”

“richard, what the fuck are you looking at my boobs for???”

“i’m not. i mean…i wasn’t. why are you picking on me. god damn girls…what are they good for? absolutely nothing…”

“richard, what the fuck???”

“you’re not my friend anymore. i’m not talking to you.”

i am officially insulted, offended, creeped out, shocked, irritated, frustrated, angry, disgruntled, disgusted, and sick of his vulgar comments. (he’s been on his best behavior lately and has been more kind to me, than rude…but, i guess that he could only control himself for so long.)

as i said, “what the fuck?”

i just can’t wait to go home…it just can’t come fast enough for me!!

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