february 5, 2017…

today, i am grateful for…

…being able to run/walk with buggs this morning. i am able to go more quickly and i have gotten so steady on the two feet that don’t feel like they are a part of my body. i credit buggs and his size for my much improved agility and skillful balance. i happen to believe that because he is so small and only weighs twelve pounds, i have to be extraordinarily mindful of the way i step, where i place my feet, and how i balance/shift my weight. when i first got him, we were hiking up a steep embankment that was mainly medium sized, sharp rocks, that shifted their position with each placement of a foot. buggs was out about two feet ahead of me and stopped suddenly. i was in mid-step, one foot in the air, balance still uncertain, and as i struggled to keep my balance, and keep myself upright…the only thing that i could see in my mind’s eye was myself, a giant lady falling on top of my tiny, little dog and smooshing him like a cockroach. somehow, i caught myself. i know that it scared the bejesus out of us both. since that time, we have practiced and practiced, walking and hiking in and on all terrains…rocks, gravel, grass, dirt, mud, puddles, ice, snow, hills, flat surfaces, and steep inclines. this morning, as we tried something new, i was very aware that all of our practice has paid off. i was very grateful and very proud of how far we both have come…

…being able to fill my day with work. i enjoyed driving around and picking up meals from different places for starving superbowl fanatics. good grief, i went to robertos, jack-n-the-box, raising caine’s chicken fingers, panda express, and sammy’s woodfired pizza. the tips were good and all of the people were very nice, and appreciative. i had to laugh to myself, when i saw that everyone that i delivered to, lived on the second story. a year ago, this time of year…i could barely make it up the flight of stairs to my friend’s apartment. today, i hustled up and right back down the stairs with my deliveries easily, and without any huffing and puffing, or struggling to breathe. it was an amazing feeling. sometimes, i just wish that people that knew me then, could actually see what i am capable of now. but anyway, i have been very happy and grateful to have a way to keep my mind and my heart from cracking…

…being able to drive the crv today. i just love it. it’s so fun and easy to drive…and it turns on a dime…

…coming back to the apartment, to the smell of chef wendy’s homemade chili. it smelled delicious and tasted fantastic…

…watching a very good and exciting football game…

…jenny hooking the laptop up to the television in the living room. that way, i got a reprieve from watching stupid-ass, motherfucking, love stories with richard. instead, i am making him watch netflix with me. i am making him watch, “house of cards,” which i have already seen through this last season, but i absolutely love it. surprisingly enough, he loves it too. i needed to revisit the subject matter to toughen me up emotionally. i want to learn to be ruthless, heartless, and powerful…just like francis and claire underwood. i feel that if i could learn to be like them, i would never have to experience hurt, betrayal, or heartache. i could just move on and never miss a beat…

i am proud of myself for all of the improvement that i have accomplished over the last year. i am strong and i will keep going, regardless of how shitty i feel. i am kind, benevolent, and forgiving.

namaste.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s