the gloom looms…

when i came back from the store this afternoon/evening, i noticed this particular cloud formation. i sat and stared at it for awhile, before actually shooting the photo. there was something about it that really spoke to me or that i just identified with.

the day today for me, was a difficult one. i was tired, because i didn’t fall asleep last night until after three am. i woke up pretty early and took bugg’s for a walk and gave him breakfast, but then, we went back to bed.

it’s really weird, but i’ve noticed that since i’ve been back from iowa, that i no longer sleep underneath the covers of my bed. instead, i start out with just my thermal on over my t-shirt and then, if it gets colder, i put my bathrobe on and sleep in that.

i really can’t identify why that is, but i put it on this morning, and pulled the hood down over my eyes to keep the sunlight out. i can identify the feeling behind wanting to go back to bed and not get up. i’m hurt and i think that i may be a little depressed.

i’m not sure how i ended up sleeping until three-thirty pm, but i did. bugg’s finally woke me up by digging on my chest. i got up and immediately wanted to crawl right back into my bathrobe, pull up my hood, and go right back to bed.

that’s the thing about having a loyal, canine companion. they need you, just as much as you need them. bugg’s doesn’t want me to be sad. when i cry, he licks my tears away. this evening he growled at richard and at jenny for coming near my chair, when i was crying.

as i looked at this cloud formation, i realized that it reminded me of my own heart…heavy, hanging low, over-sized, looking as if it could burst at any moment. the formation, like my heart overshadows everything around. it is the only thing that matters.

i looked closely and drew one last comparison. i noticed that even though the cloud was ominous and looming, that there was still sun shining through and around it. it was like a ray of hope. i know that even though my heart is heavy, that it is filled with light.

eventually the cloud formation will dissipate and give way to sunshine. and eventually, my heavy heart will fill again with love and light, and give way to all out joy and happiness. funny, but that’s what i saw, felt, and thought about when i saw this cloud formation.

the gloom looms…and i suspect that it will for a little while.

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