this is a continuation of my previous post, “i feel an early graduation coming on…”
when i got back to the apartment on thursday, i wasn’t really sure how well i would be able to take what my therapist had said and sit with it over the weekend.
at first, my inner-eeyore briefly thought about coming out to write the self-sabotage email.
however, i was able to really think about things, review the facts, and talk to my seventy-six year-old, voice of reason, richard.
i realized that my therapist may have been trying to prepare me for something, based upon my own inner-eeyore worry/projection.
i knew not to listen to anyone regarding these matters, except for richard, because he knows and is my voice of reason. so, i talked to richard and listened to him.
i always knew that i didn’t have to worry and question…that i could just trust and believe, as i have never had any reason, or indication not to…but it has always been so difficult for me to trust anyone…but, i wanted to and i made the choice to, and i do!!.
i got through the weekend just fine. i so miss conversation, companionship, and laughter, but i am okay for now. right now, i don’t need things to be about me. i just need to take care of me. and, i am okay with giving space and time, with the hope of getting to know each other more, as we go.
i spent my weekend keeping busy, working on a special art project for a birthday present. i worked on myself…walking, exercising, and meditating. and, i was good to myself by allowing myself time to watch a couple of movies, listen to music and let myself be silly-attempting to dance like in iowa, and begin reading a new book.
i am choosing to do things differently, because this is very important to me. i am not going to allow my inner-eeyore to self-sabotage a possibility for lasting happiness.