a seventy-six year old man, my voice of reason…

it’s funny, because i never dreamed that i would end up with a dirty, seventy-six year old man, as a companion and confidant. i always saw myself with someone so much younger and prettier…and female…but no, i’ve got richard and he’s got me, and for now, i’m okay with that. 

i told him the other night, that i didn’t know what the laws in nevada were, but that we may already be common law. he let out a giant belly laugh and i guess that i did, too. i mean it’s funny to a point, but then for me, there is that overwhelming sadness that lies right on the other side of funny…the hurt.

i guess the way that i view this situation, is as being temporary, but necessary in my continued growth as a person. there are obviously things that i need to learn here. there are things that i need to do here. and, there are some people here that do have vital information to pass on to me. richard has vital information to pass on to me. mind you, it’s not the kind of information that i would choose to know, but it’s good that i know it. it’s his plan for making me tough.

i will say, that richard has kept me sane during these past three weeks, when my communications and conversations with the outside world have all but dried up, and blown away. he listens to what i have to say, reserves judgement, and then speaks from three different perspectives…the overall life experience of a seventy-six year old man, the experience of being with his soulmate for twenty-eight years, and his overall experience of knowing me for the last twenty-seven years.

i will also add, that richard, is extremely blunt and direct. he can spot a phony-baloney in a heartbeat. he knows when someone’s motives are not above board, when someone is disingenuous, or when someone is trying to be manipulative. richard calls them exactly how he sees and feels them. he sugarcoats nothing. if he doesn’t like someone they know it. if he likes someone, he speaks adoringly of them.

i remember his reaction when i was talking to my friend on the phone a long time ago. he overheard something, got mad, and then began a diatribe about my friend and i conspiring against the family. i instantly thought, “oh no, he’s never going to like her now.” i took the phone into my room and we finished our conversation. a few days later, richard was again being vocal during our conversation. 

my friend said, “let me talk to him.” i swallowed hard and gave richard the phone. i was getting ready to be completely mortified, as i knew how foul and obnoxious richard could be. however, what i heard, was the exact opposite…the two of them were bantering back and forth like two roosters from neighboring hen houses. it seemed to me like both parties were enjoying the banter.

yet, i waited for that awful foul comment that pushed the conversation to an awkward halt. and then i heard it, that foul comment and instead of hearing a nasty retort, or a hang up…i heard a comeback that knocked the wind right out of his sails…he had nothing, he was absolutely speechless. richard was bested by a girl!! he was bested by my friend. dominance was established and he became her biggest fan, and developed quite a crush on her.

richard has become my voice of reason. he reminds me of things that i should know, but sometimes forget. and here’s the thing, it’s not a matter of me forgetting…it’s a matter of me wanting to be reminded!! yes, i want to be reminded by someone else. why? because if it comes from someone else, then it is really real. it’s instant validation. 

if i remember on my own or remind myself, i may not remember it correctly…and then, i just end up questioning myself…over and over again, until i have the facts straight. i talk to richard and he reminds me. he reminds me of the facts of the matter. he reminds me of the fact that i am okay, that i am lovable, and that i need to focus on the good things that i know to be true.

richard loves me and doesn’t want me to get hurt, or to be sad. he knows people and he doesn’t like just anybody…but, he likes my friend an awful lot. so, in my opinion, that speaks volumes. he reminds me everyday to think like, pooh…and leave eeyore far-far behind. 

 .

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s