sometimes i get uncomfortable, because i don’t know how to accept what has never been a constant in my life…compliments, affection, support, actions that absolutely match their words, respect, intimacy, safety, value, worth, honor, kindness, joy, happiness, love, willingness to be present, selflessness, intellectual discourse, passion, truth, honesty, transparency, appreciation, and desire.
yes, i’ve accepted these gifts before, but in small doses and i’ve never received all of these gifts from any one person. i’ve lived without a lot of these wonderful presents for so long, that i’ve got no idea of what to do or how to act. i get embarrassed, befuddled, and beside myself…deep in thought. i act weird, goofy, and awkward. i have to fight to regain composure. it really shouldn’t be so hard to accept these wonderful things, maybe the fact that it is, just illustrates how broken i really am.