i haven’t been checking my email lately. i just don’t feel like it. emails have been piling up, a lot of spam and a lot of “women” that i’ve been matched with, that are part of my giant tribe, of african catfisher’s. 

i mean seriously, what’s the point? yes, i do look, eventually…and, sometimes i’m very surprised by what i find. oh dear, one of my las vegas friends, sent me an eight minute, audio book clip of an erotica novel that she’s writing and i happened to accidentally push play, while in the therapist’s office.

that’s the off the wall, kinds of correspondence that i’m receiving these days. oh wait, my sister did send me photos of the girl’s trimming the christmas tree…already. the girl’s are getting so tall and getting older…so, quickly.  they look so  different now. i miss them, but, i don’t miss montana.

i’m checking my emails and pressing delete, delete, delete…until i stumble upon, the older ones. the ones that actually say something, make sense, and are meaningful. i stopped, opened one up and began reading.

what i read was both the most beautiful and most heartbreaking correspondence, that i’ve ever seen. reading it made my heart smile, my head spin, and my eyes well up, with tears. it’s hard to live with knowing that i fucked up. i miss my wise, insightful, eloquent friend. those emails made it into their own folder and were saved.


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