i’m sorry…

…for being such a dick yesterday…

regardless of how i personally happen to feel. the story sounds nothing less than super-fantastical. my reaction was to equate myself to, michael gary scott (from, “the office”). we are both gullible, naive, pushovers…wanting to believe in the puffy, unicorn sticker…handmade, tie-dyed, coffee, filter valentines…fairytale, kind of love. michael and i, believe in chivalrous romance. we jump onto our black stallions, race off at the drop of a hat…to rescue our nigerian and ghanaian princesses.

however, that was before watching three seasons of, “catfished,” back to back, to back. my friend’s thought that it would be a good thing for me to see. while it probably did benefit me to a degree. i found that what it really did was make me hard, super-critical, jaded, and really bitter.

it removed the sweetness, curiosity, and sense of childlike-wonder, that i had felt with the woman, whom i believed would be in my life. those feelings that i gave to her, and shared with her, were the very best parts of me, reserved for my, special person, “my pam” (also from, “the office”).

today, i came to the conclusion, that what i did, was really kind of nasty. i don’t want to be that person, because while i may lose my temper sometimes…i am neither nasty, nor cruel. i don’t want to be hardened, jaded, bitter, or resentful.

i also came to the conclusion, that the sweetness, curiosity, and sense of child-like wonder that i shared with that woman, who was so special to me…i don’t want to share those types of feelings, with anyone else. i am retiring them.

i don’t know where to go from here, but i’m going to be neither a dick, nor a sensitive, romantical fruit-loop. and there, you have it.

 

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