i worry about things a lot. i know that it doesn’t help anything, or anyone. worrying wastes my time, and robs me of my joy. worrying about things that don’t matter, creates false assumptions, nonsensical behavior, and confusion for myself, and others.
i fucked up today. i’ve done it before. i saw something on one of my friends, fb walls, and feared that, it was about/or had something to do with me. i talked briefly to my friend, via text, and she was very confused. i tried to explain…
i have done it a few times…come to an incorrect assumption. i have created, confusion, and headaches, for my friend. i try my best, to try to explain it, what i was thinking, what i was feeling…and, i fail. it’s because i don’t think in a linear fashion. instead, i think, in a circular pattern.
the last time, that it happened…she told me that,”it was getting really old.” hearing that, from her…scared me…it stopped my heart. it made me worry. worry that if it happened again, she wouldn’t want me, in her life anymore. and, i worry, that she might just vanish from mine.
i am trying, to get it right. i think that, i did a pretty good, job, of explaining, what, i was trying to say. i think that, that is a start. i will be making worry, doubt, dread, and fear, the focus of my therapy…because I don’t want to have these feelings anymore, and, i want my friend to, stay in my life.