fool…

i’m a fool, an idiot, a pathetic loser. i believe things that people tell me, because i want so badly, to believe that they’re true.

i’m an unlovable, hideous monster, a freak, with a beautiful mind, but nothing else of any value, to offer another.

i’m chronically negative, a glass half-empty kind of girl. always fearing the worst, while hoping for the best. i’m this way, as a result of how others have treated me.

i lack confidence. i make incorrect assumptions. i second guess myself, and others. i use too many words when i speak, and when i write.

i ask too many questions. i seek validation. i lack patience. i worry, stress, and have anxiety. i drive people that i love away, because i am an ineffective communicator.

i think faster than i can speak. i see how things look, as i say them. i have a disconnect between my brain, and my mouth, words, thoughts, and ideas get jumbled, and lost in translation, leading to misunderstandings.

i cannot speak plainly, and directly, instead, i use ten dollar words, that people don’t know. i make everything more complicated than it needs to be, by talking in circles, and in riddles.

i am sad, lonely, disconnected, alienated, tolerated, held at arms length. i am a doormat, an eager puppy, chasing after my person to give me affection, and love.

i am at the end of my rope. i’m tired of fighting. i’m tired of competing. i’m tired of being a placeholder, a back-up plan, a joke. i’m just tired.

all i want is for someone to care about me. i want someone who will be honest with me. i want someone, who enjoys my company, and wants to spend time with me.

 

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